10-31-16 The Story

Tomorrow I would have been seven weeks pregnant. 

I took a pregnancy test at three and a half weeks and it was a faint positive. Afraid to rely on it I took three additional tests in the week to follow. All positive. The final one I took gave me bold immediate confirmation. I was pregnant.

And happy… So very happy.

We hadn’t told many people about it. My parents and sister knew. My currently pregnant sister in law and her husband knew. And a few close friends. I wanted to do a huge, fun announcement.

The first week and a half I felt great. I was getting a little tired in the afternoons and I was hungry all the time, but other than that I was feeling wonderful and mentally preparing myself for weeks of morning sickness. Then about a week and a half ago I started to have some abdominal pain. I attributed it to my digestive track slowing down and the prenatal vitamin that I had been taking. The pain would come and go, and there were days it didn’t happen at all.

I woke up on Saturday morning in an incredible amount of pain. Within an hour I was throwing up from the pain. After dropping the kids off, Tim took me to the ER. All their beds were full and as we waited the pain greatly intensified and I started throwing up again. After that episode, the pain let up quite a bit and that’s when I noticed I had started bleeding. At that point I was convinced I was having a miscarriage.

When a room opened up, they checked my vitals and started giving me fluids. Then they sent me down for an ultrasound. I could tell on the tech’s face that something was wrong. Very wrong. Tim could see the monitor and the expression on his face confirmed not all was well. The tech called the doctor immediately. By the time I was back in the ER room, the doctor was close behind.

She informed me that the pregnancy was ectopic. It had planted itself into my fallopian tube. It was still alive and had a heartbeat, however my tube had ruptured and blood was pouring into my abdominal cavity. Incompatible with life… for both of us. I needed surgery as soon as possible to stem the flow of blood. She said that it had probably burst when I felt the rush of relief earlier in the morning. The on call OB doctor arrived and confirmed. They were calling people in and prepping the OR. Because of my previous c-sections they weren’t exactly sure how they were going to proceed. They would try laparoscopically but there might be too much scar tissue. If that was the case they would have to open me up completely. The good news was all my blood work was coming back beautifully. I had enough reserve blood in my system so hopefully I wouldn’t need a transfusion. My kidneys were working well. My EKG looked great. Tim remained with me through as much as he was allowed and Tim’s dad stayed with us as well while we waited for the OR.

When it was finally time go to back the surgery took about 2.5 hours. Thankfully they were able to do the operation laparoscopically. They removed over a pint of blood from my abdominal cavity. They cleaned up the rupture and saved what they could. The baby was lost. There was no way to prevent that, even if I hadn’t ruptured. Because it was so late when they finished, they decided to keep me overnight. We were told multiple times that we were lucky. I believe we were blessed.

I’m recovering now. It reminds me a lot of a c-section recovery so I know the routine. The doctor said to stay home from work for a couple of weeks. No heavy lifting for 4-6 weeks. I have to follow up in two weeks and we will reassess what happens next. I’m sore, but I’m up and walking. I took a shower this afternoon, which helped to wash away some of the funk.

I know this description has been mostly devoid of emotion. We’re still processing that part. Naturally Tim and I are very sad. My typical reaction to trauma is to switch into survival mode and turn off my emotions. I’m fighting very hard not to do that this time. I cry when I need to. I’m sleeping when I can. Tim has been amazing. He is suffering the same loss that I am, but he has been taking care of me and the kids and making sure our house is running smoothly. I am blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life.

We never told our kids about the pregnancy. They know mommy went to the hospital and mommy had surgery, but they don’t know much more than that, so if you see them, be careful not to mention it around them. They desperately wanted a baby sibling.

One thought on “10-31-16 The Story

  1. Crying tears for you and Tim. I’m so sorry for your loss. I will definitely pray for you both. Your little one was born into Heaven. 🙏❤️


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