I did something big today… something that scared me and I’m still processing. I’ll open up about it in the days and weeks to come, but for now I just need to sit and think. Don’t worry, it’s a good thing. It’s a wonderful thing, but it’s a change and change comes difficult to me, but as I watched my children play at the park this evening, I knew I had done the right thing.

While visiting the insect petting zoo yesterday, they offered for each of the kids to take home a ladybug in a small container with a wet cotton ball. My children love ladybugs, so they jumped at the idea of keeping one as a pet. They each chose one out and spent the rest of the day carrying it around.

C named hers Spots, because, you know ladybugs have spots.

Big E called his Wild, because when he first picked up the little container, it was running around ‘wild’ inside.

Baby E didn’t name his, but was just as enthusiastic.

The big kids labeled theirs as soon as they could so they wouldn’t mix them up.

Fast forward to today when it was time to head home from the new house. I was afraid the kids were going to push the idea of keeping their ladybugs as pets, but thankfully they seemed happy with the plan to take them outside and let them go on a nearby plant. Both Spots and Wild had been sitting in their containers on the counter, but Baby E had left his in the van. So I went out to get the poor ladybug and bring it inside ahead of its eventual release.

Except when I got to the van and found the container of our little unnamed friend, it was opened and empty. Uh oh, his ladybug had made a prison break. I didn’t see it anywhere, so I’m not sure if it’s still hanging out in the van, waiting for a stealth attack while I’m driving or not, but I’m just really grateful the insect petting zoo hadn’t been passing out spiders or beetles!! I like ladybugs, so I won’t mind a commuting buddy tomorrow, and thankfully Baby E didn’t even notice it was missing.

C let Spots off on a plant at the new house, and Big E opened his container and Wild flew away, which is totally like him to be all daring like that. It was a neat experience for the kids and I took pictures of them with their little friends as a memento, except for Baby E, of course. 🙂

Today was my birthday and I held a tarantula.

We went into my office this morning to attend (and work) the large annual celebration that is held at the university I work at. The kids look forward to this day all year long, and since it always lands on the last weekend in April, it always lands on my birthday weekend. So, for the past 9 years, (except last year when I had a stomach bug) we have attended. It’s really a fabulous event with hundreds of activities. It serves as an opportunity to open up the campus to the public to let everyone see some of the great things we do on campus.

This year I was given a GoPro to take with us on our day, so we explored all the things we thought would look best on camera. We went to the wind tunnel, visited the campus farm, went to the insect petting zoo (where I held a tarantula… in my hands! Gah!!) And we rounded out the day with a dip in the fountain (the kids, not Tim and I.) I hope I got some fun footage of our day.

The kids absolutely loved it, especially the cotton candy and ‘swimming.’ They were tired and exhausted when we left, but I haven’t seen them have that much fun in a long time. To make it even better, we did it as a family!!

Thank you for all the birthday wishes!! It was wonderful. 🙂

“Mommy, can I lay down in the water?” Baby E asked from behind me as I walked along the edge of the water. “No, hon. You can sit, but don’t lay down,” I said as I turned around to see him sprawled out in four inch deep water. Apparently he was already ‘swimming’ before he even asked. I didn’t mind so much because the weather today was gorgeous. It’s been a strange, inconsistent spring in terms of the weather and I leap at any chance to get the kids outside. When I chose their clothes this morning for school I picked outfits I didn’t mind them getting sandy or wet in, because I figured we would end up at the beach this evening. I would have brought their bathing suits, though, if I had known how drenched they were going to get. 🙂

And yes, I did make Baby E take off his pants to play in the water.

I called Tim on my way into work this morning. I figured he wouldn’t answer his phone, but I wanted to hear his voice so I waited for his voicemail to kick in. I pondered over how to word what I wanted to say, but when the line beeped, a barrage of thoughts came tumbling out. I’ve been dealing with some difficult anxiety for the past week or so. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I started feeling physically sick last night and couldn’t fall asleep. Pair it with night after night of bad sleep (thanks for that, Baby E) and I’m kind of a wreck right now. There are some big things stressing me out in my life, but it is starting to spread into the small things as well and as I drove to work this morning I could feel my chest get tight and my heart start to race.

Tim is my physical anchor during moments like those. To hear his voice or feel his touch calms me almost immediately. Since we haven’t seen each other much for the past few weeks, my anxiety has definitely knocked up a degree, but I knew just hearing him would help.

I rambled for a few minutes to his inbox and then hung up. I sat in silence, inching forward in traffic, feeling overwhelmed. And then my phone made a notification beep and I looked down to see that my Bible app had pushed through my verse of the day…

Sitting in the standstill traffic, endless bumpers in front of me, a tight chest, and a racing heart, I got the only message I NEEDED to hear. The Lord goes with me. Be strong and courageous because the Lord goes with me. I wish I could say the anxiety stopped at that instant and hasn’t returned, but that wouldn’t be true. But I can tell you that in that moment I was reminded we aren’t walking this journey alone. He will not leave us. He will not forsake us. Staking myself on that promise, I will choose each day to follow Him.

1. THE TOOTH- C has had a loose tooth for a few weeks now, but over the past few days it has become apparent that it would be shortly be vacating her mouth! She has been worrying and fretting over it and last night she finally came up to me and asked if we could pull it out before bedtime. I took a look at it, wiggled it, and honestly I don’t know what was holding it in. I agreed and got a wet and dry paper towel. We sat on the floor together facing each other. I tore off a corner of the paper towel and asked her if I could wiggle it just a little. She said yes, but asked me not to pull it. I agreed. I put the paper towel over the tooth and held onto it. I didn’t pull it, as she requested, but she made a slight motion with her head that made the tooth pull against my grip and it came right out. I took the paper towel out of her mouth, making sure I concealed the missing tooth as I did so. She looked at me and told me she was so nervous about it coming out and she was afraid it was going to hurt and bleed. She had no idea that it was missing! I told her to get up and look in the mirror and she stared back at me with a look of confusion on her face. She got up, went to the mirror and opened her mouth. A beat later, she swung around, our eyes met, and she got a huge grin. “It’s out?!?!?” she said as she ran back towards me. I offered her the paper towel with enclosed tooth. Her gums were bleeding just a little, and I gave her the wet paper towel to hold there for a few moments. She couldn’t wait to show her grandparents and we even face timed Daddy so that he could see it too. She was such a happy girl!
2. THE MONSTER- There are certain things that Baby E is afraid of… spiders, strangers, etc… but nothing compares to his fear of the “Mummy Monster.” Do you remember back in October when I took Baby E to the Minute Clinic at our local CVS and he came face to face with what he refers to as the “Mummy Monster?” It was a Halloween decoration that had a ‘push me’ button on it, and we pushed it and it’s eyes turned red and it started flailing its bony arms and Baby E had a MAJOR freak out. Well, he compares all fears to the Mummy Monster. I always assure him that the Mummy Monster isn’t real and it can’t hurt him, and every few weeks he brings it up again. Last night I woke up to an unholy scream- a terror filled wail coming from the other room. I jumped out of bed before I even realized I was awake and ran to the boys’ bed where I found Big E apologizing to a screaming, hysterical Baby E. Apparently he had rolled over to cuddle with his little brother and Baby E thought he was being attacked by the Mummy Monster. So naturally he freaked out. The only thing that calmed him down was a promise he could sleep in my bed, and so I had a bedfellow last night. And my bedfellow was not polite. He tossed and turned. He rolled on top of me. My alarm didn’t go off this morning, but thankfully I had two toddler feet that slammed into my head at 6:15 to jumpstart my day! I will always rue the day we pushed that cursed button!!
3. THE EMBARRASSING MOMENT- I have been dealing with this cold for about 7 weeks now. The first few weeks were bad, and I ended up at the Urgent Care, followed by a week long prescription and the sage doctorly advice that my cough would last awhile. Well, it has. It’s not awful, and it isn’t constant, but every once in awhile I will get into a coughing fit that takes my breath away and I have to take a moment to recover. And sometimes I just get random coughs that seem to come out of nowhere. Today I was at work, minding my own business, enjoying a mid afternoon cup of coffee. The coffee had gone warm, instead of hot, and so I took a large gulp of it. It was at that precise moment that my body decided to surprise me with a unexpected cough, and since there was a mouth full of coffee between my airway and the outside world, there was no place for the coffee to go, but out. Much to my horror, I spewed coffee OUT OF MY MOUTH AND ACROSS MY DESK AND COMPUTER!! I mean, folks, this coffee had spread and distance going for it. It was a veritable fountain of coffee, a dam had been broken! There was coffee everywhere! My dress, my arms, my computer screen, my desk, my coworkers desk, my chair. Coffee EVERYWHERE!! It all happened so fast that I was just as shocked as my coworkers. Yes, my coworkers were there to witness that. Not content to do ridiculous things in the privacy of my own home, I must perform them for an audience. I sat there mortified before I started laughing so hard that tears started running down my face. (I’ve painted a lovely picture of myself at this point, right, dripping of coffee and tears?!?) My coworkers took no time in laughing at me, and honestly I don’t blame them, that must have been hilarious and ridiculous to behold. I spent the next 5 minutes wiping down my coffee splatter off of every conceivable surface and wanting to dig a hole in which to bury myself!

Is there any better medicine than an evening by the sea?

Remember that low grade fever C was sporting yesterday? Well this morning she woke up complaining that her throat was hurting. I had been holding out hopes that it was a cold, as she had been sniffling, but I went ahead and took her to the urgent care by the new house just in case.

C has strep for the second time this year. If you remember from before, I LOVE me a strep diagnosis! Bring on the meds!!

We made the choice to spend one more night out at the new house. It would mean I would miss work, but I didn’t want to travel with C so far when she wasn’t feeling well. We’ll leave in the morning after rush hour.

Here’s praying that no one else gets it!

She measured at 48 inches today. How did my baby grow up so fast?!?! She’ll be taller than me before you know it!

I pulled into the Target parking lot this evening around 9:30, looking more like I was dressed for Walmart. I had used the air gun at the shop to get as much dust off of me as I could, but I was still caked in dust, walking around in an oversized t-shirt and hoodie. I only needed to pick up a few things, but I lingered in the store for a little while, soaking in the silence around me. I’ve needed to get away. I mean, sure, a two week trip to someplace exotic sounds amazing, but I’ll take a 20 minute stroll around Target in its stead.

I got home and took a shower, watching the drops of water wipe away the dirt and grime from my skin. I got a scrape down my arm and a splinter in my hand today as my reward for hours of sanding. Neither bled, so I call it a win.

It ended up being a good thing that we didn’t stay home today. C started running a low grade fever this morning and this evening she was still working on it. She’s sleeping now, so I am hoping a good night’s sleep will be the remedy she needs.