I called Tim on my way into work this morning. I figured he wouldn’t answer his phone, but I wanted to hear his voice so I waited for his voicemail to kick in. I pondered over how to word what I wanted to say, but when the line beeped, a barrage of thoughts came tumbling out. I’ve been dealing with some difficult anxiety for the past week or so. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I started feeling physically sick last night and couldn’t fall asleep. Pair it with night after night of bad sleep (thanks for that, Baby E) and I’m kind of a wreck right now. There are some big things stressing me out in my life, but it is starting to spread into the small things as well and as I drove to work this morning I could feel my chest get tight and my heart start to race.
Tim is my physical anchor during moments like those. To hear his voice or feel his touch calms me almost immediately. Since we haven’t seen each other much for the past few weeks, my anxiety has definitely knocked up a degree, but I knew just hearing him would help.
I rambled for a few minutes to his inbox and then hung up. I sat in silence, inching forward in traffic, feeling overwhelmed. And then my phone made a notification beep and I looked down to see that my Bible app had pushed through my verse of the day…
Sitting in the standstill traffic, endless bumpers in front of me, a tight chest, and a racing heart, I got the only message I NEEDED to hear. The Lord goes with me. Be strong and courageous because the Lord goes with me. I wish I could say the anxiety stopped at that instant and hasn’t returned, but that wouldn’t be true. But I can tell you that in that moment I was reminded we aren’t walking this journey alone. He will not leave us. He will not forsake us. Staking myself on that promise, I will choose each day to follow Him.