Tomorrow is a day that I have been both eagerly anticipating and dreading for weeks now.
I love Christmas time and it is my favorite time of year. I love everything about it- the lights, the music, the time spent with family and friends. And I am especially in love with the Christmas story, that God himself would become flesh and dwell among his creation, completely human and completely God – the story that begins in a humble manger, but ends on a rugged cross and an empty tomb!! It is a story that utterly changed my life and my future!
So for me, Christmas is an opportunity to connect with that story, to remind myself of both its tradition and its implications- to see that my life changed is my life saved!
So for all those reasons, tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the year, however this year will be a little rough. Tim, C, and Big E will leave early tomorrow afternoon to drive to Florida. Tim’s family is having a reunion down near Tampa, so they will be joining most everyone down there by Monday. It is a trip that has been planned for quite some time and they are looking forward to it.
If you know me, or have followed the blog for awhile, you know that I deal with an annoying case of PTSD, which manifests itself as panic attacks when I travel. For the most part it has been under control for several years, though I have felt it simmering slightly for the past year. With the prospect of this trip to Florida coming up, I had been seriously considering giving a big trip a try. It’s a place I really want to visit, with a group of people that I love to be around. But I’ll be honest, since the ectopic rupture, my anxiety has been much worse- not out of control, but definitely palpable. So I made the decision to stay back with Baby E. Part of me feels like it is a failure not to go, but part of me recognizes the state of mind I have been in recently and the damage it would cause if I jumped into something I wasn’t ready for. The miscarriage shook me harder than I expected, and I’m still deep in the healing process. It’s getting better, but I want to crawl before I walk.
So in lieu of going to Florida, and missing out on some awesome opportunities, I will be spending an equally awesome week with my dear parents and sister. I don’t get to see them as often as my heart desires, so I am going to take this time to love on them. And Baby E and I will get some wonderful time together. I really think it is going to be a great week! God is good and we are blessed.
Please pray for safe travels for my loves, and for peace as we are separated. I am looking forward to us all being together again by the end of the week! Thank you!