02-11-17 Sometimes I check out…

I’ve been off today. This happens sometimes when I’ve had a particularly rough experience. I noticed it happen after Baby E’s first febrile seizure and it happened after the ectopic.  I think my brain takes a day or two (or longer in the case of the miscarriage) to reset before I can start functioning properly, but in the meantime I just kind of check out. I’m aware of it when it happens, but as of yet I have been unable to stop it before it sets in. The symptoms are always the same- loud noises set me on edge, fast motion makes me uneasy, and any form of conflict makes me shut down. Living in a house with small children makes this particularly difficult, because small children are loud, fast, and constantly picking on each other, so I found myself either snapping at them constantly or hiding from them in quiet rooms, neither of which is helpful. And the more I tried to withdraw, the more my children pleaded and pawed at me, followed me around, and fought for my attention. Thankfully Tim intervened when he could. I’m praying tomorrow is easier.

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