06-13-19 A Should-Have-Been Birthday

The only time I ever heard Hazel’s heartbeat was a day forever etched into my memory and carved onto my heart – The day she died. Had we not lost her, today she would have been two.

I haven’t put much time in the blog lately, and I think this is part of the reason why. This day has been creeping up on me for weeks now.

Though I never met her, I miss her terribly. I wish I had gotten to hold her, to have stared into her eyes and kissed her forehead. I would have told her how loved she was and how much we had prayed to have her. But I didn’t get to do those things because she didn’t make it.

At least I heard her heartbeat. I bore witness to her life. I had the privilege to carry her, be it ever so briefly. I was her mom and she was my girl, and I am a better woman and mother because of her.

God is so unbelievably good.

Happy Should-Have-Been Birthday, Sweet Girl. I love you.

This is an awful picture of me, but that’s ok. It was taken at the hospital the day I lost her. In this picture her heart was still beating. What I would have given to save her.
Hugs and kisses, sweet girl.

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