Can I admit this here? I’m tired. I’m weary. I’m worn down.
Not just from the ectopic, which happened exactly a month ago, but from a year plus of fighting battles on every front.
A friend texted me this afternoon and asked how I was doing. “Not well” was my knee jerk reaction. And that’s true. I got barely any sleep last night. I’m putting out fires left and right. And at moments, I’m barely holding on. It got me to thinking.
Do you remember being a kid and going to the fair? We would beg my parents for tickets to ride the rides. The best was when they would buy the bracelet that gave you unlimited rides and we’d spend the evening going from ride to ride. The Scrambler was always my favorite, but my sister’s was that UFO looking contraption that spun you around and around, using centrifugal force to keep you plastered to the wall. Somehow I was convinced to get on that thing, despite having a history of motion sickness. The moment the machine started to spin I knew I was in trouble. I wanted to get off immediately. No. That machine was not stopping for anything. Instead it got faster and faster. So I squeezed my eyes tight and clenched my teeth and waited for it to be over. It seemed like an eternity. When it finally ended, I fumbled my way outside, vowing in a wave of nausea to never do that again.
That is kind of what my last year has felt like… A carnival ride I can’t escape. A constant barrage of challenges and difficulties. No sooner is one thing figured out then another rears its ugly head.
But unlike the Gravitron, whose only reward was a day of dizziness and nausea, this past year has taught me (and is teaching me) that I serve a mighty God. Never more so than in the past year have I felt so inadequate to face the challenges placed in front of me, and yet time and time again, God has been there… providing, healing, encouraging, and fighting the battles I showed up ill equipped for.
I’m still on this ride. It hasn’t stopped yet, so each day I lean harder into Christ and his unfailing work on the cross, for in doing so I will know Him better. He is my rock and my salvation. Sanctification is a messy process, but the end result will be glorious indeed.
To Christ be all glory.