The first week after vacation is always the hardest. My mind is still clinging to my week of peace and freedom, and I am finding it hard to concentrate and stay focused. But as our routines start to solidify again, it is getting easier.

Today was my cousin’s funeral, and while I was not able to make it, my mind wandered quite often to him and his family. My heart breaks for his wife and daughters, and I pray that they find comfort through this difficult time.

It’s only two and a half weeks until school starts again, and C will be going into first grade. I laid in her bed this evening and we talked about the first day we met. We talked about how I used to call her Schlomo because I didn’t know if she was going to be a girl or a boy. Her eyes lit up when I told her how excited I was to hear the doctor say, “It’s a girl!” and she begged to see the scar on my belly.

The children love to look at my C-Section scar. They trace their fingers along it and ask a million questions. It took me a long time to come to grips with that scar and how having children changed my body. Obviously, it healed long ago, but that numb sensation that accompanies scars has always bothered me and has made it difficult for me to wear clothes that rub up against it. It’s starting to fade more, and most of the time I don’t even notice it now, but every couple of months the kids ask to see it.

To them, that’s how babies are born. The doctors cut them out of the mommies’ bellies.

When they see the scar they don’t know about the fear and adrenaline that coursed through my body as the doctors sped me into the operating room. They don’t understand how close we were to losing C. (Honestly, I didn’t know how close we were to losing her until I had my second C-Section with Big E and realized all the steps they skipped the first time around!) They don’t know that my hands were strapped down and I felt like I was choking on my own spit because the drugs had numbed me all the way up to my neck and I couldn’t swallow. They don’t know how my body shook from the medicine or how my heart raced from the meds they gave me to stop contractions. They don’t understand the serious, clinical conversations I filtered out as I was being operated on and that they had to scramble a doctor and anesthesiologist from different buildings within minutes to get it done. They don’t understand how I stared in Tim’s eyes to see the same fear I felt staring right back at me.

It comes down to this… That scar saved C’s life, and quite possibly my own. And while I spent months after C was born hating that scar, it is now such a part of me I can’t imagine myself without it. It’s a little crooked, and still pretty numb, and definitely not pretty to look at, but it’s the means by which I met my children, so to me it is very special.

So I don’t mind if they trace it or ask me a million questions about it because in it’s own crooked, numb way, it is beautiful.

It is mine.

 

So… I’ve noticed that things often happen in pairs. Remember last year when C hurt her toe and then the next day my toe got injured. Or when C rammed her head into my nose and moments later did the same thing to Tim. It never ceases to amaze me when that happens and it happened again tonight.

As you are well aware, C dropped a brick on her toe last week. The toenail is looking pretty gross, so I imagine it will be falling off any day now. (shudder) Anyways, when we got home this evening I got this impulse to weed (battle) my front little garden. I have a couple of tomato plants in there, I swear, but it was overgrowing before we left on vacation and it only got worse while we were gone. So in a moment of frustration and determination, I started ripping out weeds.

To entertain themselves, the kids started playing outside and Baby E wandered over to our neighbor’s yard and found their cozy coupe. (Those yellow and red toddler cars.) He got inside and the next thing I know the kids are pushing him around. I warned them multiple times to take it careful and not push him too fast because he was in bare feet. Apparently I was talking to myself, because a few minutes later Baby E started crying. When I got him out of the cozy coupe I noticed that a good chunk of his toenail was missing on one of his big toes and there was blood. Great. Another toenail bites the dust.

One thing to point out… babies don’t understand bandaids. He thought it was some sort of medieval torture device. He didn’t understand a wet paper towel. He did, however, understand kissing boo boos and that was the only thing that would calm him down. So yes, I kissed smelly, dirty, somewhat bloody baby toes. (Check that off my bucket list.)

He was pretty worn out from his extensive crying so he went to bed pretty quickly this evening.

C, on the other hand, was still worried about her toe.

C- Mommy, I’m afraid of what is going to happen to my toenail when it falls off. What are we going to do with it?

Me- Well, we will probably just throw it away.

C- I don’t want to throw it away! I want to keep it! I want to collect toenails!!!

Big E- Yeah! We can get a basket!!!

C- Yes! And we can put peoples’ toenails in it if they fall off!!

Me- That’s pretty gross!!

Big E- Yeah, maybe we should just collect rocks.

Me- THAT’S A GREAT IDEA!!!

“Mommy, do you know how to drive a submarine?” Big E asked me from the back seat on the way home tonight.

“No, I never learned how to do that.”

“Why not?!?!” was his response.

“That’s just not something I ever learned how to do,” I replied.

“Does Daddy know how to drive a submarine?”

“No, he doesn’t. No one in our family knows how to drive a submarine.”

“How is that possible?!?!?!” he exclaimed. “It’s ok. I know how to drive a submarine.”

“You do? How do you know how to drive one?” I asked.

“I was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Mickey was driving a submarine. So I know how to drive one now too!” he answered.

“Only if you know what all the buttons do!” chimed in C.

“I hope one of them makes it go very fast!!!!” finished Big E.

So there you have it, we have one submarine driver in the family. Starting next week he will be giving tours of the bay.

******

The kids and I went to the beach this evening. Apparently there is something sketchy possibly in the bay (some sort of bacteria that shows up in the hottest part of summer, and it is rare that you can contract it, but it’s a pretty nasty thing if you do) So I kept the kids out of the water and we played in the sand. Baby E wanted to spend all of his time on the pirate ship while the big kids dug holes in the sand.

********

C had a doctors appointment for her toe this morning. I figured it was fine, but I wanted confirmation just in case. The doctor said it looks good and that she can resume normal activity, but we should expect the toenail to fall off. Ugh!!

********

I just learned that a cousin of mine from my mother’s side of the family passed away this past weekend. I did not know him well, as we had only met a few times in our lives, but he was blood and I know that his passing will be felt by many. He had a wife and two daughters. Prayers for them as they go through this difficult time. He was my age.

“Are you waiting for something?” the lady at the window asks me.

I glance up. I’m sitting in my car at the drive thru window of Dunkin Donuts and as I stare at the woman I am quite sure that I am waiting for something, but at that moment, I have no idea what it is.

Quickly I replay the last few moments in my head. I had been driving. I decided to stop for coffee because I had a coupon for a free drink. I ordered and pulled up to the window to pay. The coupon was on my phone so I handed the phone to her to scan the code. I saw my phone in her hand and realized that my credit card wasn’t in the case for my phone. Where was it?!?! Was it in the car? No. My purse? No. She handed me my drink. But I needed something. What was it? Could my card be in the glove compartment? Where is it? I’m so tired. I need something from her. What is it?! Wait! My card, it’s in the pocket of my shorts I wore home from vacation!! My shorts are at home. I don’t have a card! I’m going to need gas. I’m going to need food! I need my card!!! I have to go home. Home is far away. Wow, I’m tired.

“Do you need something?”

I stare at her a beat more. What is it?!? What do I need?!?

A STRAW!!! “Yes, I need a straw!!”

Bemused, she passed me a straw through the window and as she handed it to me I came to the startling revelation that I’m not in my twenties anymore!

I remember pulling all nighters, for papers and projects. I usually waited until the last minute, but they always got done because I worked better that way. The following day I would be tired, but I’d bounce back pretty quick. I could function.

We got home around 12:30 last night and with Baby E wide awake, we didn’t crawl into bed until sometime after 1 am. However, Baby E woke up at 7 this morning.

When I planned our vacation, I marked down that I would be out the day after we got back just in case we decided to stay one more night or if I just wasn’t up to going into the office. My intention always was to sleep in and get to work a little late. Then I’d just be taking a few hours off instead of the whole day.

But as I sat at the drive thru window completely spacing out and having the hardest time concentrating or focusing, I realized it was such a bad idea for me to be driving. I turned around and went straight home.

I crawled into bed and fell immediately to sleep. A little while later I heard Tim come home from dropping the kids off with the sitter and when he came in the room I asked him to wake me up at 1pm. At 2pm I woke up and wandered downstairs to find him passed out on the couch. I guess it wasn’t just me!

Cognizant of the fact that we hadn’t eaten all day and that there was zero food in the house, I woke him up and we piled in the van and booked it to our local Mexican restaurant. I knew they served tortilla chips right when you sat down and that they usually brought your food out within ten minutes of ordering, so I figured it was the best possibility of getting us food quickly. So, Tim and I had a lovely enchilada/fajita breakfast at 2:30 pm. Then he dropped me off at home and headed to work. I did grocery shopping and got the kids.

They went down for an early bedtime and I am heading that way soon myself.

********

Yesterday was the last day of our vacation and our big travel day. We woke up and checked out of the hotel and went to the farm to spend a little more time with the Ohio family. We packed the van and took the kids on another gator ride.

Tim and his brother decided they wanted to do some target practicing. Tim’s youngest brother is a police officer and he brought several of his guns with him and Tim brought his along as well. I asked if I could tag along because I had never fired a gun before. They agreed and off we went. We set up a target and then Tim’s brother gave us very detailed gun safety instructions and lessons on how to load and use the guns that we had.

He let me try out his .22 caliber rifle with scope. The target was pretty far away, but he taught me how to aim and breathe with the gun and steady my shot. Tim and I fired about 18 rounds at the target and we hit it 15 times!! (A couple of those were Chris’ too.)

Then we moved onto the 9mm. Tim had brought a bunch of ammo so he loaded a clip for himself and one for me. Again we got detailed instructions. Tim started first and shot at the target at close range, and then a little further away, and then far away.

Doing the different distances helps you learn how to aim the gun. Next it was my turn. The gun was heavier than I imagined and my hands were kind of small for the gun, but I shot my three close range shots.

I admit I didn’t like the kickback and much more preferred the .22, so I let Tim and Chris finish off my magazine. It was a really interesting and fun experience and definitely became a highlight of the trip. I thought Chris did a great job explaining things and I am looking forward to the chance to go shooting again! (Also, now I want my own gun!!)

When we were finished we packed up the kids and headed home. It was a long drive with a few stops, but thankfully it was pretty uneventful. My next project is to get everything put away before the end of the week! 🙂

It was a long drive, but we are finally home. Baby E is wide awake and very weepy so we need to wear him our before he will let us sleep. 

I’m sitting here at the computer thinking about what to write when I start to smell something quite horrible, something akin to a skunk. When I stand up and start sniffing around the hotel room, my nose leads me to Tim who is sitting on my side of the bed looking at his phone. I go up to him and sniff him (because that’s what you do when you’ve been married for nearly nine years and need to confirm whether or not your spouse smells.) The smell is so overpowering I tell him that he needs to move from my side of the bed, because obviously he came into close proximity to a skunk today. He looked at me like I had lost my mind and proceeded to defend himself against my accusations. About thirty seconds into his reply I pinpointed the exact second he noticed the smell too! He went from being confused, to indignant that I would think that he would smell that bad!!

Within moments our hotel room was flooded with the skunk smell. Tim started coughing and my eyes were watering!! I couldn’t stop laughing. Tim went outside and said that our side of the hotel smells bad, while the other side smells fine. I’m pretty convinced that skunk sprayed right under our window! Ha!!

But long before the skunk attack, we had our family reunion. We told the kids when we left the hotel this morning that they were not allowed to go inside today, but had to spend the entire day outside. They were mortified at first, but I was worried they would get sucked into watching tv, so it was a firm plan. And they really did stay out ALL day. And they played hard!

The Ohio cousins were especially kind to my dear sweet Big E. Big E often lives in the shadow of his big sister, so to see the boys taking him in, letting him run with them, and including him in all of their games really made me happy for him. He would disappear for 30-45 minutes at a time and would only return when he needed a drink of water. And my heart melted when the boys crowned him King Big E and made him a castle and guarded him and let him make up orders. I’ve never seen that boy smile so big. He needed that burst of encouragement to come from an outside source.

C had been begging to swim in the lake all week, so we got in our bathing suits and headed in. But unfortunately, it was a bit overwhelming for her, so she ended up not staying in very long at all. It’s ok. I don’t want her traumatized by the water, so we will try again next year!

Baby E had some high moments today, but he really seemed to enjoy wandering around in the dark during the campfire. I found him dancing and singing in the grass. He gobbled down hotdogs and melons all day and even found someone to slip him some lemonade. Poor kid was worn out, though, so he definitely had some rough patches. That’s ok, though.

We went on a a few nice gator rides, Tim drove his cousin’s ATV, and when it got dark we had a bonfire with s’mores.

Tomorrow we head home and that makes me sad. It’s been a wonderful week and I don’t think any of us (except maybe Baby E) are ready to go back to reality! That’s the hard part about vacation, the going home! Pray for safe and easy travels! Until next time, Ohio!!

We packed a lot into today, considering after getting to the farm this morning after breakfast, we never actually left it until 9 pm this evening. When we got there, Tim pretty much left with the tractor to go work on the farm, so we filled up the pool and let the kids play for awhile. Then we went out to the lake and played on the playground. We came back to the house and the kids played outside until C got her hurt toe run over by the bicycle so then we sat inside and played UNO while she rested. Then we had lunch. Baby E and most of the cousins went down for naps, but we decided to take a walk and see if we could find daddy. We ended up back at the lake, but daddy wasn’t there. However, Aunt Val and Cousin Sarah were there and filled us up with cold water and watermelon slices. Then we saw Tim drive up with the tractor. After saying hi we walked back to the house and had a snack and played UNO. Then it was off for a long gator ride with Uncle Chris, more playing, and finally dinner and playing with the Ohio cousins. When we finally left the farm, Big E said he couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel because he was so tired!

Nothing beats splashing in cold water on a hot summer day!

He’s definitely been flaunting an independent streak during this trip, wandering off and exploring.

They are starting to have secrets.

Music time with grandma!!

We’ve moved into the hotel, which can mean only one thing, there are only a few days left of vacation. The great grandparents’ house can’t hold all of us, especially as our families have grown, so each year a few of us take turns staying at the hotel in order to rotate who gets to stay at the farm. This year is our year, so as more family showed up today, it was time for us to relocate.

When Big E asked why we weren’t in our room at the house anymore, his uncle told him it was because we were going to the hotel. Big E got a look of terror in his eyes as he slowly said, “We’re going to hell?!?!” Ha ha! His uncle had to reassure him that he said hotel  not hell. Once that confusion was cleared up, Big E didn’t worry too much about the transition! Ha ha! Poor kid!

Today was a beautiful day with blue skies and puffy clouds! The kids played outside a lot!! We took a really long gator ride this morning and hit about every single treated trail on the farm. When their other cousins showed up, they spent most of the afternoon running around with them! Tim spent most of the day working on the farm again, so he was having a blast too. Only Baby E seems to have a hard time getting into the spirit of vacation. Poor guy has been off ever since we arrived, but by the time we got to the hotel this evening he was wired and excitedly running around. He finally crashed around 10pm.

This is always by far my favorite week of the year, and I am enjoying it immensely. I love not setting an alarm at 5:30 in the morning, and having no greater obligation than hanging out and watching my kids play. It’s so peaceful and relaxing. For me, this beats any destination vacation with all the stress and bustle. Give me my family and a beautiful view and absolutely nothing we have to do and I’m hooked!

A gator ride with my best girl. She asked me to sit with her in the back so that I could protect her toes from getting hurt. While she was still favoring her other foot most of the day, I think her hurt foot is doing much better. It is definitely bruised, but she can walk one it and she didn’t complain to much about is bothering her. It did get her first dibs on playing each round of UNO.

This is my prince. In this photo he is showing me how strong his by carrying this squash. Look at my muscles mommy! It is important to him that he is strong in my eyes and I assure him every day that he is.

Big E loves this fountain. And while it drives me crazy that he drinks from it every time I turn my back, I love to see how much it makes him smile!

Baby E has been pretty ornery this entire trip and this evening he did not want to eat dinner. Grandpa patiently sat with him and helped him through his dinner. At first Baby E was pretty angry at grandpa, but he came around, especially when he introduced a muffin! Thanks for the patience, grandpa!

When we got to the hotel this evening, I gave the kids a bath. I can’t believe how dirty they were, but it was proof positive of a day well spent! They had a blast!

Finally bedtime. Goodnight sweet ones!

Today was our make-up day, the day that Tim got to get up early and get working on the farm. He had been looking forward to it all week, so I was happy that he was able to finally do it. He and Chris spent the entire day out bush hogging trails and moving branches and logs. This evening they took us on a gator ride to examine all their progress.

With the guys out all day, Annie and I had the kids. We started the day off with a walk out to the lake and some playing in the cabin and down by the water. We got home around lunchtime and then it was nap time. When we woke up we went for a walk on the railroad tracks, which was going well until C dropped a red brick on her big toe. Poor girl was in so much pain!! Her toe has a cut on it and is pretty bruised, but by this evening she was running around again, only remembering that it hurt when it worked in her favor. 🙂

We had a nice dinner at the house and then took our gator ride. Tomorrow some more of the cousins show up, so the kids are eager for that to happen. We move to the hotel tomorrow evening to free up a room here at the grandparents’ house. I am going to miss sitting out in the quiet watching the lightning bugs dance through the yard!

Today will go down as the Lost  Day of our vacation. I woke up this morning feeling a little off and within ten minutes I was down with some kind of stomach bug. Ugh! Not what we had planned for our nice peaceful vacation! Tim was disappointed because he has a long list of things he wanted to help with on the farm, but he had to put them all aside to watch the kiddos so that I could get some much needed rest. Thankfully he’s a great dad and enjoys his kids and handled the change of plans much better than I would have! I wasn’t actually functioning until after 3pm and by then most of our day was done. I let the kids play in the kiddie pool some and after dinner we went down to the lake for a little while. Here’s praying tomorrow will be better!!