11-04-16 Almost Two

It might as well be midnight… on a Tuesday. My days are running together, a combination of naps, food, and the occasional cheering up from friends and family. I actually didn’t sleep today, mainly because I’ve barely slept the last two nights. I’m so exhausted this evening that it shouldn’t be a problem.

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In two days my baby turns two. With everything going on, it keeps slipping my mind. I feel like I’m missing it. It happens so fast, this growing up. He keeps asking about my booboo and in his sweetness will try to tackle me with hugs. He’s starting to worry when I walk out of the room, afraid I will leave him. He keeps saying, “Mommy, no bye-bye.” No buddy, Mommy no bye-bye.

I’ve always said his personality is smack dab between his siblings. He has the independent spirit of his sister mixed with the compassion of his brother. He stresses out when people are sad. This week has been hard for him.

I took a trip out to Starbucks with a friend this afternoon. It was harder than I thought it would be, my anxiety working overtime. But I’ve been down this road before, and I refuse to let it win. So my plan is to embrace the anxious moments and ride them out. I have to retrain my body that everyday situations aren’t cause for alarm. It’s like muscle memory, the more I do it, the easier it will become.

My post is all over the place this evening, but that’s pretty much a reflection of me. I never imagined I’d be this open about this experience as I have been here, but thank you for riding along. I think it helps. I may not have responded to everyone, or my responses may have been brief, but know that I appreciate the kind words, thoughts, and advice that have been coming our way. Thank you.

 

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