We had the honor of attending a memorial service today for a woman that, combined with her husband, had a great impact on me and my husband when we were in our early twenties. Around the time I moved home from New York and was settling back into my life, these two stepped up and began to lead a young adult group at our church. They became deeply involved with our lives and we spent countless hours in their company. We learned a lot about friendship and what living a godly marriage looked like in real life. A few weeks ago she passed away, and today was her service. I was encouraged by the numerous people that came up and spoke about her, all talking about the kindness, generosity, and graciousness she had exhibited throughout her entire life, but one comment in particular stuck out at me.

She knew who she was in Christ. 

Wow, should I get to the end of my life and have someone proclaim such a testament of me! Could there have been a greater compliment? She knew who she was in Christ. From that knowledge and that confident assurance was able to flow the fruits of  a transformed life, a life that lived full even within its limitations. For to have your identity wrapped up in Christ, is to know that your foundation is secure, which affords complete freedom for joy and selflessness, irrespective of your circumstances.

She knew who she was in Christ, therefore others knew about Christ through her.

Well done, a life worth living.

I stood in complete denial as I held the thermometer in my hand. I stared at the numbers as if by sheer willpower I could make them descend, but they wouldn’t budge. 102.1- There was no sugar coating it, Big E had a fever. It was strange because he had spent the evening running around, eating everything in sight, and acting completely normal. It wasn’t until he crawled into bed that he started to complain about the headache. His face was a little red and his eyes looked exhausted. I gave him some tylenol and he slipped off to sleep.

This morning when he woke up I handed him the thermometer, holding my breathe and praying that last night had been fluke. It beeped and he handed it over… 99.5. Not great, but not bad. His head still hurt. I gave him more Tylenol and 10 minutes later he threw it up.

I’ll admit that after cleaning his throw up bowl (yes, he has one… and it has his name on it) I curled up on my bed and cried. It never ends, I whispered to the ceiling. It never ends.

I left early from work to take him to the doctor, and thankfully they saw him quickly. His fever was gone and much to my delight he was diagnosed with an ear infection. She said the cold he had been fighting for a few days had developed into the ear infection and she prescribed him some antibiotics and said he’d be much better very soon. I actually smiled, no, I grinned. I was downright giddy. I laughed inside thinking that a year ago the diagnosis of an ear infection might have caused me at least a small amount of consternation, but after the winter we have had, it was music to my ears. Finally a sickness with a simple, quick solution. It was like we had hit the medical jackpot!!

So, Big E can add ear infection to his 2017 medical list- three stomach bugs, two bouts of the flu, strep throat, and an injured foot!!

This kid is handsome!

It’s 8 pm and I’m already laying in bed. I got the kids down early this evening, started a load of laundry and dishes and headed upstairs. An early bedtime like this only happens a couple times a year, but when it does I’ve learned to embrace it. 🙂

My secret sister didn’t know that I had a rough day. She didn’t see my horrible commute. She wasn’t there as my disobedient children ran rampant around the church this evening (well, maybe she was there, but I have no idea who she is.) She didn’t see me wipe away tears as I drove home, frustrated by my fatigue and limitations. No, she wasn’t privy to all that. But she did leave me a bag on the table at church. I’m not sure how long its been there, but I picked it up on my way out the door this evening. After we got the kids to bed, and I finally got a chance to sit down I opened it up to find, among other things, a grown up coloring book based on the Psalms. She had no idea that the perfect thing that I needed at that moment was some coloring therapy to help me unwind and breathe through the last few moments of my day. Those quiet moments of escape helped to calm me down and bring my turbulent thoughts back into focus. God is good.

To my Secret Sister, if you are reading this, thank you!

In Big E news- he got registered for kindergarten this morning! He was bored silly during the entire process, but I certainly enjoyed the extra time I had with him!

Tomorrow is a big day in our household. In the morning I will be taking Big E to school and registering him for kindergarten. I’ll admit I have been feeling increasingly nostalgic as the reality that my second child will soon be in school started setting in. I think I might even be a little more anxious this time around than I was when I registered C!

Even though I am thoroughly exhausted, this evening I have had a lot of nervous energy, so I decided to try something new. I had found a recipe online a few weeks ago to make strawberry jam using an Instant Pot. I received an Instant Pot for Christmas and it has been my go-to appliance ever since. I had never had a pressure cooker before, but it didn’t take long to get me hooked. I’ve cooked whole chickens, made pork bbq, homemade chicken noodle soup, and now… Strawberry Jam!

The recipe was very simple, and didn’t take long to assemble at all. I’ve never made jam before, so I am curious to see what the flavor will be like. I’m waiting for the jar to cool down before putting it in the fridge!

I started with a carton of fresh strawberries.

The final product!! We’ll see how it turns out!

C got to meet her newest cousin this afternoon. Outside of Baby E, this is the youngest baby she has ever gotten to hold. She was very excited about the opportunity and I think they will be fast friends!

I can’t tell you all their names (even though I wish I could), and I certainly don’t know all of their stories, but God is working a mighty calling in their lives as they tackle each day with a fierce love for their babies and a desire to draw closer to Him. They are a blessing, a safe space, and a tribe of women with a common goal and a common passion. As we wind down our MOPS year, I pray they​ forged deep relationships and built strong friendships to journey with them as they continue on in motherhood and that their love of Jesus will impact their families and their communities in a very tangible way.

1. Ladies- If I’m walking behind you and I can clearly see the lines from where you were sitting on the toilet… your shorts are too short.
2. Gentlemen- Pull up your pants. You might think that I’m old and I just don’t get the trend, but that trend started in the 90’s. It looked stupid then… It still looks stupid. If you want to be taken seriously, dress like a grown up, not like my two year old who needs a diaper change.
3. Ladies- Don’t get too comfortable with a man that has cheated on someone else to be with you. Chances are he won’t stick around long.
4. Young People- There’s no such thing as a soul mate. Let me rephrase this. There is no one person that will complete you or fix you. Every person is flawed. Asking a flawed person to fix you will only end in heartache.
5. Young People- Do you want to know what your future spouse will be like? See how his/her parents interact. (You will either end up with the same relationship or one that is polar opposite.) Watch how a man talks to his mother or a woman’s relationship with her dad. Take note on how they talk about previous relationships. If they never seem to be at fault, they will never see room for improvement in themselves.
6. Ladies- If you want a man to fight for you, be a woman worth fighting for. Have  integrity. Be honest. Know your own worth apart from a man.
7. You don’t have to win every argument. Relationships are more important than being right. If your stubbornness will cost a friendship, think again.
8. Consequences happen. Good ones and bad ones. Don’t be surprised by them.
9. Marry your best friend. Choose to love them every day… even when it’s hard… No, wait… Especially when it’s hard.
10. Don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry. If you are wrong, admit it. Swallow your pride and do what’s right. And in return, forgive others before it is even requested.

We didn’t care how cold and breezy and drizzly that it got today, we spent as much time as possible outside!

Tonight was a good night…

Tonight was filled with silliness, laughter, games, hugs, and smiles. These are the moments I hope I remember the most when my children are grown and gone!

We had an exceptionally late night last night, which is usually recipe for a disastrous following day, so I was not surprised when I picked up all the children and they were each in an unpleasant mood. As I tried to coax and urge them to be happier, the more angry and despondent they got. And in the end, we were all grumpy. I wish my patience level had been higher this evening. I wish we had smiled more. I wish we had laughed.

I’m not sure if you have seen/heard of the mom and dad that were taking videos of the pranks they played on their kids and posting them to youtube. When I first ran across the story the other day it caught my attention… according to the article that I read, they had lost custody of two of their kids. When I read ‘prank’ I didn’t necessarily assume something malicious, but there was a link to watch a video and against my better judgement, I clicked on it. The two adults in the video had poured ink on their nine year old son’s carpet and called him into his room and berated him for having done it. They yelled at him, cursed him out, and belittled him, while he stood there desperate to defend himself, but helpless to do so. Video after video showed these parents doing the same kind of things to that little boy and his sister over and over again. If the boy didn’t look terrified, he looked resigned to his fate. At one point the little girl cried out, “I’ll never have a normal life!!!” The father laughed at her and continued to degrade her. One of their pranks was to tell the little boy that they were going to adopt him out. In another, they smashed his xBox to see what his reaction would be. As the little boy cried, curled up in the fetal position on his bed, his father laughed in the hallway as he brought the boy a new xbox. He then yelled at the boy for not enjoying the prank. The whole family went to Disney world but left the little boy behind because he did something they didn’t like. As the boy walked out the door with the family dogs to stay with his grandparents, the father lavished affection on the dogs and coldly turned to the boy and said, “You better be good.” No goodbye. No I love you. In one video the father pushed the boy into a bookshelf and the boy stood up bloody.

The amazing thing to me is that their channel has 700,000+ subscribers!! Over 700,000 people who thought this type of behavior was acceptable and did not condemn the obvious child abuse taking place in front of the camera. The only video on their channel now is a half hearted apology (more upset about consequences than the trauma they caused to their children.) They cry about how hard their lives have become and how scared they are of getting hurt. And in their eyes I see the same fear I saw in their children’s, that they exploited on a daily basis. But for them I feel no pity.

When I closed my eyes last night all I could see was that little boy’s face. I’m glad they are away from those sociopaths, but I pray they are somewhere safe.

As I stared at my overly emotional children this evening, I thought about those kids. I thought about how truly horrible their upbringing has been and how they will carry those emotional scars all their days. How will they learn to trust when the very people that should have protected them instead tortured every moment of their lives? While we all grow up to be flawed adults, their demons will be very difficult to shake, and perhaps impossible without a strength outside of their own.

I’m so very grateful I didn’t grow up in a home like that, but rather one with two loving parents. And as parents ourselves, even on our worst days, our family never looks like that. Of course our children won’t get to adulthood without some kind of real or perceived damage from their childhood, because it happens to us all. But as parents it is our responsibility to create an environment where children can be brave, loving, and vulnerable. They should be able to trust us with their good days and their bad ones. They need to be allowed to make mistakes in the safety of their home and family so that when they get out in the real world mistakes don’t destroy them. They need parents to nourish them physically, emotionally, and spiritually so that their self worth does not dance and twist with each passing breeze, but rather holds tightly to the anchor they discovered in their youth. In our home, I pray that anchor is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I want them to see that even though we are flawed, even though we stumble daily, ‘our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.’