When I walked into Big E’s classroom a couple of minutes after 1, I knew I was running just a little late. I had left work at 12, but had to grab lunch on the road, so when I finally pulled into the school parking lot I was happy I was so close to being on time. My first glimpse of Big E was him sitting at a table with a few other kids. His elbows were on the table and his head was resting in his hands. He appeared to be staring down at the tablet in front of him. I put my hand on his head and he looked up. That’s when I noticed that his face was bright red, his eyes were puffy, and there were tears running down his cheeks. He looked devastated. I dropped down next to him, as  nearby parent informed me that Big E became worried that I wasn’t going to make it. My poor, sweet boy! Oh how my heart broke for him. I gave him a hug and he held on as tight as he could. We sat there a moment until he was able to compose himself again. Within a few more minutes he was explaining the games on the tablet and he was back to his old self.

Both Big E and C’s parent visitation period were scheduled for the same time, so I had to divide my time between them. After 45 minutes with Big E, I told him I had to go see his sister. He was very sad that I was leaving, but he held it together.

I joined C in her classroom for the next 45 minutes. They were talking about the various land formations, and she got to read me a story about them and she worked on a project. It’s moments like that that take my breath away. My child was reading to me about mountain ranges, streams and rivers, canyons, and more. She was such a joy to spend time with.

This evening we stopped by the townhouse and the children spent a few minutes running around screaming at the top of their lungs. They hadn’t seen the house empty so it was a surprise for them. They seemed to have fun and I enjoyed watching them there.

Friends, my heart is very sad tonight, and I feel the dormant anxiety stirring beneath the surface. I know everything is going to work out, I know this is right, it’s just hard.