I am not a huge fan of the term ‘tribe,’ but for lack of a better word, this is a large portion of my tribe. I have had the privilege to work alongside these women over the past year on the steering committee for our local MOPS/MOMSNext group. I might be in this picture, but the hard work was really done by all the other women. I took some photos and made some videos, but the amount of work these women put into each and every meeting was astounding. They didn’t do it for status, or to be a part of a clique- they did it because they love each other, motherhood, other moms, and Jesus. They spent a lot of time outside of their comfort zones, they were brave, and they were kind.

We ended our MOPS year this evening, and for me it was bittersweet. I have loved serving with each of them, their friendships have been invaluable to me, and I’m going to miss our adventures together. But God is good, and through them I have seen more and more of Him.

I took the above photo on the morning of the first day I returned back to work after having C. I didn’t have much leave saved up and I only ended up staying home for 8 weeks, using time I borrowed and spent the better part of the next year paying back. (We do maternity leave wrong in this country, but that’s another argument for another day.) I remember the heartbreak I felt when I left her that morning, and I well know the ache of leaving my children each day.

I look so young in that photo. That was nearly 8 years of sleepless nights ago. Motherhood changes you- far beyond the physical aspects, it pushes you past every limit you thought you had. Your capacity to love, hurt, fear are all multiplied when they place your first child in your arms.

It only gets better and harder and scarier after that.

I still don’t have it all figured out. I yell when I should whisper. I set unrealistic expectations. I forget things. I lose my patience. Often I feel completely overwhelmed.

I get to the end of some days and my failures are greater than my victories. It’s easy to feel defeated, but then I remember this… my children know I love them- beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Motherhood is predictable, only in its unpredictability. There is no pattern. There are no cookie cutter answers. Every child is different… as is every mother.

What I’ve learned is that I don’t need perfection. I cannot grasp it.

These truths I know- My children will have mismatched socks. They will eat hotdogs when I am too tired to cook. They won’t get a bath everyday. I won’t sign off on every single paper that comes home from school, because I won’t always read them. I won’t sign up for the PTA. I’ll plan a birthday party two months late. I will cry when it gets hard. Those things are a given…

But so are these…

I love my children. I love Jesus. I want my children to love Jesus. So everyday, I pray they will see past me, past my flaws and insecurities, and see Him. That is my hope and prayer- that I can point them to Him- imperfectly as I may, even in mere shadows of a reflection, and that He would draw them daily ever closer to Himself.

Happy Mother’s Day to my own sweet mother and all the mamas out there loving their babies! God bless. 

The local fire department has a carnival every year and it has become a tradition for us to attend. They opened up on Wednesday, but we had church so we didn’t get to go. We had planned to go on Thursday evening, but Tim got home too late, so that didn’t work either. We briefly considered doing it last night, but since it was running alongside the huge Friday night farmers’ market, we realized it was going to be packed.

Going to the carnival is expensive. We buy the wrist bands so the kids can ride as many rides as they can. Last year Baby E was too young, so we got by with just Tim and the big kids riding, but that wasn’t going to cut it this year. So, if we were going to spend that much money for us all to ride, then we wanted to get our money’s worth. We found out the carnival would be opening at 3pm today, so that’s when we got there. And the kids rode and rode and rode until they were too exhausted and hungry to ride anymore. We were there for nearly 4 hours, so it was definitely worth it to wait until today. There were very few people there, and the first several hours there were not even any lines. A few of their cousins showed up, which made for an even more entertaining day!

C loved the roller coaster, which no joke we went on at least ten times. Big E and Baby E loved the Spiderman ride, which was less of a ride and more of an obstacle course. They did the carousel, the scrambler, the ferris wheel and so much more. Our only mishap was when Baby E tried to get off the Spiderman ride which ended on a bouncy floor. Somehow he went head first over it and landed on his head on the gravel ground. He has quite the bruise and scrape to show for it this evening, but eventually he cheered up and rode some more.

When we were finished riding, we ended our evening with a trip to the local ice cream shop. It’s been a long time since we have spent that much uninterrupted time together, as a family, doing something fun. We were covered in dirt and grime by the time we got home, so we grabbed quick showers and then ate a fast dinner. The kids fell asleep in record time! I think we will too (and probably wake up pretty sore) but with some wonderful family memories!!

“Mommy, I had a really bad day at school,” Big E told me when he came home the other day.

“What happened?”

“(Kid’s name) keeps calling me ‘Baby Girl.'”

This wasn’t the first time Big E had mentioned this kid and being called Baby Girl, but I had told him to ignore it.

“And he kept hurting me all day.” He whimpered.

“What?? What happened?”

“He kept pulling back my fingers and twisting my arm.”

I emailed his teacher and she told me she moved Big E so that he no longer has to sit with the boy.

Guys, I can’t stand bullies, and my kids have gotten the brunt of a few of them this year.

C comes home every day with a new story about one particular girl in her class that is her friend one day and then not the next. And when the girl decides not to be C’s friend, she is downright nasty to C. C has been talking about it for months, and while I am a firm believer in making friends and including everyone, I have told her to stay away from this one girl.

We are about a month away from the end of school and I cannot wait. The school has been very responsive to all of my concerns, but honestly, it’s just getting old.

On a happy note, though, Tim and Baby E met us at the beach this evening, and the kids enjoyed some nice outdoor time. The tide was low, so the sandbar stretched for forever. It was fun to watch them play and splash. Man am I glad the warm weather is here to stay!

I spent the day at home with my youngest. He kept me up most of the night with his tossing and turning and talking in his sleep. We both finally fell into a deep sleep around 4am. When I woke at 6, I knew I wasn’t going to be worth much today. I called it in and Baby E and I hung around the house watching way more tv than necessary. I think he is on the mend, and his complaints have gotten fewer and farther between.

I tried to sneak in a nap today, but he would have nothing of it, so I am extra exhausted this evening. I’m off to bed. Hopefully soon my posts will get a little more interesting! 🙂

I have a little fellow that is under the weather this evening, so I am letting him sleep on the floor next to my bed. In the past ten minutes he has been talking up a storm… while completely asleep. My favorite part was when he stuck his arm straight in the air, pointed at the ceiling, and exclaimed, “I’m all done, Mommy!!!”

Ok buddy, what ever you are done with, good job!

I’m heading to bed a little early in case he keeps me up with his talking all night. Enjoy your Wednesday evening!

This post is gross… you have been fairly warned.

I may wake up at 5:30 in the morning, but my body is not ready to eat for a couple of more hours. Anything sooner and I just feel nauseous. I keep a box of oatmeal at work so I always know I have breakfast waiting for me when I get there. However, one of the things that breaks up my commute is to stop and get an iced coffee and an order of hash browns. The coffee gets me over the morning hump and the hash browns hold me over until oatmeal.

This isn’t an everyday occurrence, but it happens pretty often. I ordered my food this morning and as I neared the store, I confirmed the order and that I’d be walking in to get it. Most mornings by the time I get to the counter, my food is sitting waiting for me.

This morning I pulled in and went inside. It was relatively empty and I was surprised that my food wasn’t ready, but I didn’t mind waiting a few minutes. I noticed that the food prep people weren’t moving very fast, but oh well. As I stood there watching them, wondering which order would be mine, I noticed that one of the workers took his gloved hand and scratched at his arm. It wasn’t like a slight brushing of his fingers across his skin, it was like he had a serious itch on his rather hairy arm. I watched him for a moment thinking it was odd behavior for a food service worker, but maybe he just hands people the bags… But no, not 30 seconds later he was scooping out the hash browns with the same gloved hand and putting them into a bag!! MY HASH BROWNS!!! Oh, I wanted to gag. He turned around and handed me the bag and I just stared at is like it held some kind of plague. Ugh. Gross. Blech. I was so caught off guard, I took the bag and headed for my van. I set the bag in the passenger seat and it just sat there. Nope. Can’t do it. Not going to happen. I will not be eating arm hair hash browns. No. No. No.

Now I am aware that gross stuff happens with food. Thankfully, most of the time we never see it. “What the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over,” right?!? But when it happens and I see it, I am reminded how much trust we put into other people when we eat. And I’m not just talking fast food or eating in a restaurant. All of our food is handled by someone. Even healthy, fresh food goes through various hands before landing on our tables and into our bellies.

Unfortunately my hash browns found themselves in the first trashcan at work- a waste of food and a waste of money. I also realized I had run out of oatmeal, but thankfully there is a tasty bagel place across the street from my office and they came to the rescue!

The moral of the story, my friends, is to always pay attention and just say no to #armhairhashbrowns

Do you have any gross food stories to share?

This was a good weekend. No, it was wonderful. For the first time in months I felt refreshed. I’m not sure what made it different, but it was. Our family lives at a breakneck speed most of the time, and it wears us down. We’re in the process of changing that, so maybe I feel the pressure lifting and this weekend I saw the shift. We all smiled… genuine, happy, real smiles. We laughed. We giggled. We connected.

All in all, it was pretty close to perfect!

Earlier this week I had a really rough morning. In fact, I actually cried after I dropped the kids off because it was that awful. The past few months have been hard with Tim being away so much, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, so I find comfort in that.

In my frustration on that particular day, I got to work feeling completely defeated and upset. I knew we would be at the new house this weekend and my brain started running through ideas that would give me a little downtime. Let’s be honest, I’m ‘on’ from 5:30 in the morning until they go to bed around 8pm. I get to a point where I just need to be alone… or if not alone, at least not being constantly tugged at every 3 seconds. I remembered that Home Depot does children’s events, so I navigated to the site and saw they were doing one this weekend. I immediately signed Tim and the two older kids up, hoping that 1- Tim wouldn’t mind, and 2- the kids would actually enjoy it. That would leave me with Baby E, but I felt I’d be up for that.

Fast forward to this morning when Tim followed through with my plan. He wasn’t upset I had arranged him without asking, and they all seemed happy to get some time together. Today’s event at Home Depot was making windmill planters. Apparently the big kids absolutely loved their time with Daddy. They got to use hammers and screw drivers, and they assembled the cutest little planters, complete with some soil and bean seeds. They got an apron, a pin, and a certificate for completing their project. 

While the big kids were off having fun building, Baby E and I joined my sister and mom at the neighborhood library. They were having their annual book sale, which is a great chance to stock up on some books for the kids. I found a treasure trove of Boxcar Children books which will keep the kids entertained for a long time.

After that it was home and lunch, and then off for a date to see Avengers- Infinity Wars. (just us, not the kids.) I thought the movie was great and probably ranks as one of my favorite Marvel films.

We had a pretty busy day, but I do feel like I got the downtime that I needed. 🙂