We didn’t care how cold and breezy and drizzly that it got today, we spent as much time as possible outside!

Tonight was a good night…

Tonight was filled with silliness, laughter, games, hugs, and smiles. These are the moments I hope I remember the most when my children are grown and gone!

We had an exceptionally late night last night, which is usually recipe for a disastrous following day, so I was not surprised when I picked up all the children and they were each in an unpleasant mood. As I tried to coax and urge them to be happier, the more angry and despondent they got. And in the end, we were all grumpy. I wish my patience level had been higher this evening. I wish we had smiled more. I wish we had laughed.

I’m not sure if you have seen/heard of the mom and dad that were taking videos of the pranks they played on their kids and posting them to youtube. When I first ran across the story the other day it caught my attention… according to the article that I read, they had lost custody of two of their kids. When I read ‘prank’ I didn’t necessarily assume something malicious, but there was a link to watch a video and against my better judgement, I clicked on it. The two adults in the video had poured ink on their nine year old son’s carpet and called him into his room and berated him for having done it. They yelled at him, cursed him out, and belittled him, while he stood there desperate to defend himself, but helpless to do so. Video after video showed these parents doing the same kind of things to that little boy and his sister over and over again. If the boy didn’t look terrified, he looked resigned to his fate. At one point the little girl cried out, “I’ll never have a normal life!!!” The father laughed at her and continued to degrade her. One of their pranks was to tell the little boy that they were going to adopt him out. In another, they smashed his xBox to see what his reaction would be. As the little boy cried, curled up in the fetal position on his bed, his father laughed in the hallway as he brought the boy a new xbox. He then yelled at the boy for not enjoying the prank. The whole family went to Disney world but left the little boy behind because he did something they didn’t like. As the boy walked out the door with the family dogs to stay with his grandparents, the father lavished affection on the dogs and coldly turned to the boy and said, “You better be good.” No goodbye. No I love you. In one video the father pushed the boy into a bookshelf and the boy stood up bloody.

The amazing thing to me is that their channel has 700,000+ subscribers!! Over 700,000 people who thought this type of behavior was acceptable and did not condemn the obvious child abuse taking place in front of the camera. The only video on their channel now is a half hearted apology (more upset about consequences than the trauma they caused to their children.) They cry about how hard their lives have become and how scared they are of getting hurt. And in their eyes I see the same fear I saw in their children’s, that they exploited on a daily basis. But for them I feel no pity.

When I closed my eyes last night all I could see was that little boy’s face. I’m glad they are away from those sociopaths, but I pray they are somewhere safe.

As I stared at my overly emotional children this evening, I thought about those kids. I thought about how truly horrible their upbringing has been and how they will carry those emotional scars all their days. How will they learn to trust when the very people that should have protected them instead tortured every moment of their lives? While we all grow up to be flawed adults, their demons will be very difficult to shake, and perhaps impossible without a strength outside of their own.

I’m so very grateful I didn’t grow up in a home like that, but rather one with two loving parents. And as parents ourselves, even on our worst days, our family never looks like that. Of course our children won’t get to adulthood without some kind of real or perceived damage from their childhood, because it happens to us all. But as parents it is our responsibility to create an environment where children can be brave, loving, and vulnerable. They should be able to trust us with their good days and their bad ones. They need to be allowed to make mistakes in the safety of their home and family so that when they get out in the real world mistakes don’t destroy them. They need parents to nourish them physically, emotionally, and spiritually so that their self worth does not dance and twist with each passing breeze, but rather holds tightly to the anchor they discovered in their youth. In our home, I pray that anchor is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I want them to see that even though we are flawed, even though we stumble daily, ‘our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.’

I was sitting at my desk the other day when I looked up and noticed that I hadn’t replaced any of the pictures in my frames in quite a long while. I stared at the photographs and soaked in the smiles of C and Big E long before Baby E was even around. So, on a whim, I went through a few of my recent photos, printed them out, and replaced a few.

The one I replaced on the desk next to my computer was a picture I took only a few weeks ago of Baby E on the beach, mouth wide open in an excited scream. For the first few days it made me smile. But then there was today…

You see, I was REALLY tired today. Ridiculously tired! My allergies have made it difficult for me to sleep lately, and by the time I got to work this morning my eyes were stinging. Throughout the day they would randomly water up to the point it looked like I was crying. It was during those moments, when my eyes were tired and my vision was somewhat blurry I would catch sight of the photo out of the corner of my eye, but instead of seeing my dear, sweet baby boy, my blurred vision and foggy brain kept translating the image into Tim Curry as Pennywise the Clown, also known as IT. Ridiculous, I know!! So had you been sitting over my shoulder today, you might have noticed me glance over to the photo and do a little jump before shaking my head and settling back into work! I’ll see how it goes tomorrow, but if Pennywise keeps showing up, I might need to rethink my decorating choices.

I wish I was more organized! 

I got an email from one of C’s teachers a few weeks ago in the middle of the week asking me to send in materials for a project and I needed them in by that Friday. The kids were going to make an animal habitat as a follow up to their trip to the zoo. The list was quite extensive, but we could pick and choose what to send in. The items ranged from stones to grass, photos, cotton balls, paints, construction paper, duct tape, and animal figurines. But the problem was that I got the email on a Tuesday, and I needed to send in the stuff by that Friday morning. Getting to the store is pretty much impossible for me during the week because of my and my husband’s work schedules, so I had a little freak out before emailing the teacher and begging to send everything in on Monday. She agreed, so when the weekend rolled around I scoured our local Walmart for all the things I was willing to purchase for the project. The most difficult thing to find was small animal figurines and I  spent quite awhile pacing up and down the various aisles in hopes of catching a glimpse of them. I found dinosaurs. I found giant bugs. But no animals. But by some spark or miracle, I found one small package of them misplaced in the Easter section. Victory was mine! I sent C in with her bag full of supplies, confident that I had done my duty and provided for my kid.

A few days later I picked her up from school, and she came out carrying her habitat… which was without a doubt, completely void of tiny animals. And she handed me her bag of leftover materials, most of which were not even opened. When I questioned her nicely about her missing animals, she said she ran out of time and forgot to put them in. (I personally wonder what kind of grade you get for an animal habitat if you don’t actually include animals, but I digress.) Needless to say that that was a lot of time and money wasted.

Fast forward to this evening… when I got this note in C’s folder. She is scheduled to go on a field trip tomorrow. We had gotten a permission slip a few weeks ago and I sent it in. Along with the slip, there were instructions given about sending in a ‘waste free’ lunch, but honestly we were in the middle of one of those sicknesses and it didn’t stick in my head, so when I noticed this paper tonight I shook my head. I really have nothing against the waste free lunch. I think it’s a great idea. I really do. My problem is that I received this note the night before I needed to send it in. I went shopping on Sunday for this week’s lunches and if I had gotten this on Friday I would have been sure to be prepared. But as I’m staring at this paper I can only promise a reusable lunch carrier. Mom confession here… nearly everything I bought for her lunch this week is prepackaged!! (I know, I know!!) So… do I empty all her single serving things into reusable containers? That seems like an extra step cause now I’ll have to toss the trash from those things and then end up washing the containers later. Do I send her in with the lunch I bought, just as I bought it and risk humiliating her in front of her classmates? Hmmm… Or maybe I could just send her with a lunchbox full of bananas. BOOM! Problem solved. *gracious bow*

I’m not frustrated with the teachers, but rather myself! I’m sure there are parents that can keep up with everything, but I’m certainly not one of them! I’m the kind that needs just a little advanced warning! 🙂 

I felt​ the pain before I even opened my eyes. It was Saturday morning and there was a work event I was scheduled to be at by 8:30. I felt around for my phone to see what time it was… 4 am. The house was silent, save the sound of Tim’s rhythmic breathing beside me. 

The pain. What was that pain? I tried to sit up and intense pain radiated throughout my abdomen. Incredible pain. What’s wrong?? I finally got to my feet, but I couldn’t​ stand upright. The pain was so intense. I made my way downstairs where I was sure I wouldn’t wake anyone, and for the next two hours I sought every position possible to ease the pain, but it wouldn’t break, and I ended up throwing up from the discomfort. 

As I laid on the floor of my living room, it felt so very familiar to the pain of the ectopic rupture. Not as bad, but very, very close. And when the pain started to localize on my right side near my belly button, I began to wonder if it was my appendix. 

A little bit of PTSD kicked in as I started down a multitude of rabbit trails that all ended in internal bleeding or emergency surgery. By the time Tim woke up I couldn’t tell if the nausea I was feeling was from the pain or the anxiety. 

One of the many things I love about Tim is he can talk me down off almost any bridge, and I was high on top of one when he found me. He calmed me down and got me into bed. He convinced me to wait a little while longer to see if it improved before heading down to the ER. As I spent the day in bed the pain gradually (very gradually) eased, while my temperature increased and I started getting all the symptoms of a stomach bug. By evening I could stand (even though it hurt) and the center point of pain moved, taking it away from my appendix area… The first definitive sign that it wasn’t appendicitis.  My fever came down by bedtime and I slept through the night. 

In the morning I felt exponentially better than the previous morning and was able to function again.

When I talked to my mother on the phone she said my father described the same intense pain when he had the stomach bug earlier in the week.

So there it was, the stomach bug… Twice, in one week. Perhaps because my first time round was much milder than everyone else’s, I was susceptible to getting it again. I’m not sure. But it was horrible and I’m glad it’s over and I still have my appendix!!

So Lord willing, we will be done with sickness for awhile. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we could use a break! 

I’m grateful for my awesome husband who looked out for me and wrangled the kids while I was quarantined in our room. He did a great job! Now we just need to reschedule our birthday date!!

We have had a rough couple of weeks, so the kids were extra excited to go to the park this afternoon to take a walk on the trail. We desperately needed the fresh air and exercise. The weekend was basically a bust because I was under the weather and slept most of yesterday away. Tim did great wrangling the kids and the house while I was out of commission. Tomorrow we hit the ground running again!

I’ve been feeling under the weather all day, so I’d appreciate some prayers. Thank you!

Baby E asked for cake for breakfast. When I told him no, he got very overdramatic. 

I want to start off by saying thank you for all the sweet and kind birthday wishes I received today. It was a wonderful day and I truly feel loved and blessed. 

This past year has been a little challenging, to say the least, but it has also been incredibly full and beautiful. I’ve developed closer relationships, and learned so much about myself and the importance of community. I’ve been reminded over and over again of the goodness of God and seen his provision first hand in my life. And I continually feel Him pushing me past my comfort zone to do things that both challenge and scare me. For all this I am extremely grateful!

I got home to some very happy children. We had dinner, ate cake, and opened presents. Tim got me a Young Living starter kit, which I have had my eye on for like a year, so I’m very excited about that. 

I’m sure I’ll be asking for lots of advice about this kit over the next few months! 🙂

After nearly a week of rain and cold weather, we snuck off to the beach for a little bit of fun before bedtime. Baby E hated it until he loved it and then didn’t want to leave. I convinced him Daddy would love to see the bag of rocks he collected. That did the trick!