Big E snuck into my room this morning while I had gotten up to go to the bathroom. When I returned he was curled up under the covers, convinced that I wouldn’t be able to see him. I lifted the covers and crawled into bed next to him.

Big E is an early riser. It’s unusual for him to sleep past 6:30, which is great during the week, but a little frustrating during the weekends. This morning my mind was racing and I couldn’t seem to slow it down, so I found some clothes for Big E and myself and we quietly snuck out of the house and went for a walk while the rest of the family was still sleeping.

It’s incredibly rare to get one on one time with any of my children, so it’s always a treat to get a few moments of alone time. This morning was no exception. We took a nice walk to the stinky bridge, did some exercises, and also ran a few ‘obstacle’ courses that Big E made up.

He’s a great kid with a big heart and a beautiful smile. I’m lucky to be his mama. 🙂

I learned a new word this evening… paronychia.

That’s a fancy word for ‘fingertip infection’ which is what C was diagnosed with when I took her to the urgent care this evening. We noticed her finger looking pretty bad this morning, though she said it looked like that last night. She said it hurt to touch, and obviously it was very swollen with a pocket of puss. (yuck).

They had to poke it with a needle and drain it, which is just as horrible as it sounds and C cried through the procedure. It was pretty amazing, and rather gross to see how much came out of it. She was also prescribed a week of antibiotics to help clear up the infection.

We certainly get some strange illnesses!

We need to keep a close eye on it to make sure the infection doesn’t spread, so we will keep it clean and keep on top of her meds.

And of course, such bravery earns a secret trip (secret because the boys weren’t with us) to Rita’s while waiting for the prescription to get filled!

And just like that, 1st grade is finished.

I didn’t get much warning when my panic attack hit the other day. Tim and I had swapped cars in the morning and as I drove his car to work it started acting funny. By the time I pulled into the parking lot I was feeling pretty anxious about it, and about twenty minutes later I felt the panic set it.

Thankfully panic attacks have become a relatively rare occurrence, usually only a few times a year, but when they do happen I always forget that it takes me a few days to shake the feeling of them, so this week has been a bit bumpy.

I’m thankful for a wonderful support system that I can text or call in a heartbeat, whom I can trust to immediately start praying for me and form the thoughts and requests that I can’t in those moments.

Anxiety stinks, and panic attacks are pretty awful. Most people who have them don’t talk much about them, because let’s be honest, during a panic attack, we really aren’t at our finest. It took me years before I could acknowledge them in public. When I had my first one I didn’t know anyone that dealt with them. Well, I should rephrase that, I had no idea I was surrounded by people that had them, but hid them so well I never knew. So, I felt incredibly alone and isolated. So if you’ve ever had a panic attack, know you are in good company and if you need to talk about it, need some prayer, or just need to have a safe place to panic, let me know. I’m here! 🙂

This sweet one has only two more half days of first grade and then she is done! I can’t believe how quickly this year flew and in a few short months she will be seven. Having the past few quiet evenings with just her have been such a blessing. Big E and Baby E will be gone for one more night, but we are eagerly looking forward to their return!

Two more days, Bug! You got this!!

The boys are still visiting their grandparents, so this evening it was just me and C. We ate dinner, watched some TV, read a story, and then got ready for bed. In the absence of the chaos that all three children produce when together, C and I had a great opportunity to sit together and just talk. It didn’t take long for her to tell me about the friends in her class and how they each rank their friends based on who is their favorite. 

With a sad look on her face she told me that she wasn’t anyone’s number one friend. She said she didn’t mind if she was ranked at number two, but most of her friends put her at three or four​. There is one friend who will only play with her if she’s allowed to make up the rules. If C asks to make the rules, her friend reminds her that she won’t play anymore.

If you just heard a loud crashing noise, that was the sound of this mama’s heart breaking. 

My sweet girl who stands up for everyone feels like no one stands up for her. As she unburdened her heart this evening, I held her and listened. She’d ask for advice and I’d give it to her. She’d recount various scenarios for me. And she kept saying, ” I just don’t understand.”

I don’t either, sweet girl. I don’t either. 

Before I left her room, I held her hands and prayed with her and as I opened my eyes I noticed she was fast asleep…

My prayer for my sweet girl is that she never defines her self worth by the words and actions of other people. I pray she finds her value in the constant and unchanging love of her Heavenly Father, and that as her parents, we can strive to remind her of that value each and every day. 

We just pulled in from a long weekend at my parent’s house. The boys stayed with them but we bought C home because she still has school. Now we are off to bed so we will be ready to conquer our week!

After years of over spray, the hardened stains and paints make for a beautiful, otherworldly landscape. 

Another weekend at the shop. Another chance for shop camping. It’s a nice distraction. ☺️

A co-worker recently asked me if I ever considered moving closer to my job. Currently my commute is an hour each direction and Tim’s is about an hour and a half each way. A while ago we talked about it, and decided that while the drives are long, our ending destination (home) is surrounded by family and a close knit community. We are close to the water and in a relatively rural area. To move closer to either of our jobs while the other is still working would mean that we would be living in confining urban sprawl, lower ranked schools, no community support, and with one of us still having an excruciating drive. So for now I will gladly embrace my commute if it means Friday night farmers markets, Sunday morning church, and close friends and family to travel through life with. 🙂

Storytime and Rita’s

October 29, 2016 is a date seared into my memory, and there it will remain the rest of my days. Lately I have been measuring things as before and after that day. I look at photographs or recall events and my mind automatically places them in one of those two categories. After I had physically healed from the ectopic rupture, and during the time my mind was still grappling with our loss, our little family started its downward spiral into winter and all the sicknesses that ensued. For months on end we endured the clobber of illness after illness, until the very thought of another one made me tremble.

The weather is warmer now and sicknesses have started to wane and for the first time in seven months I can finally just breathe!

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12