What is a dolphin? What does a dolphin look like?

I love my family. 

This evening over dinner the kids and I had a serious conversation. I started it off by asking them one thing that they liked about themselves. C said that she liked that she was nice to people. Big E said he liked that he gave good hugs. I told them that I liked that I gave lots of hugs and kisses. They smiled.

Then I asked them what they didn’t like about themselves, and only themselves. I did not want to hear what they didn’t like about each other! They stared at me for a moment, confused by the question I think, but then C piped up with I don’t like it when I am mean to you. Big E sat for a moment and then he added I don’t like it when I hit you or scream at you when I am mad. And I confessed to them that I don’t like that I am cranky when I am tired. 

(Baby E chimed in, You’re mean… *sigh*)

This was an exercise in self reflection. It’s easy for us to focus on the things we are good at, or the things that we like about ourselves, but it is very difficult to take a moment and reflect that often times we are the villain of our own stories. As adults, we may know our shortcomings, but we dress them up or sweep them under the rug to be ignored for another day,  and rarely do we confront them in any meaningful way. Rarely are we honest with ourselves in a way that ends in changed behavior or a changed life.

My kids get a lot of praises from us and from others. For the most part they are well behaved children (especially in public) and usually get along pretty well (again, in public.) But sometimes I worry that they are going to fall into the trap that they are somehow inherently good.  My children aren’t good. Does that sound harsh? Maybe, but since I’m being honest here, I’m not inherently good either. And neither are you.

I never taught my children to lie. I didn’t teach them to use mean words. I didn’t teach them to push other people, but these are all things I have witnessed them doing. Children don’t need to be taught how to do those things, they just do them.

We do it too. Have you ever been in a situation where you know you did something wrong, but you package it in such a way that it makes it seem like you weren’t really at fault, or the circumstances were out of your control? Yeah, I’ve done it too.

Here’s the thing. I don’t want my children to grow up not taking responsibility for their actions. I also don’t plan on pointing out their shortcomings at every opportunity, but I do want them to recognize them in themselves and come to the understanding that they aren’t without flaw. Having them name what they didn’t like about themselves helped them to own up to their actions. They weren’t embarrassed. They weren’t upset. But it helped them to recognize that some of their behaviors weren’t kind. It was good, for a moment, for them to analyze themselves. After all, if they have an overinflated opinion of themselves, they will have an under inflated opinion of others. And I desperately want my children to love others, and value each person they encounter.

But most of all, I want them to know they need Christ. It is only in recognizing their own shortcomings can they begin to recognize the value and magnitude of what Christ did on the cross for them. And when they understand that, they can truly begin to appreciate the value of another human being.

(PS- please don’t worry about the self esteem of my children. 🙂 They know they are loved beyond measure and we tell and show them that daily.) 

American Heritage Girls

A couple of months ago I was scrolling through Facebook and  I saw someone’s status about American Heritage Girls. I had no idea what it was, but I read it out loud and Tim got very excited. He asked if there was a troop nearby and I said yes. He immediately said, “I want C in that.”

American Heritage Girls is a scouting program (along the lines of the Girl Scouts) however, it is Christian based and taught along those principles. Tim and I talked about it and decided that it would be a good thing for him and C to do as a daddy/daughter activity, so he has been actively involved in taking her to the meetings and helping her with what she needs to do.

However today, the boys and I showed up to see her in all of her American Heritage Girl glory. She got her uniform and she has been practicing her oath and creed.

I like the idea of AHG because if it is something that she enjoys, she can keep doing it up through high school. There are lots of events for her to be involved with and opportunities to serve in the community. The focus is really on helping others and raising godly, strong, and compassionate women! I look forward to seeing how this organization will have a positive impact on my girl!

What’s better than neighbors? Neighbor cousins!!!

You’re mean! He muttered as I took the dirty towel away from him to throw it in the hamper. C had somehow spit toothpaste everywhere and had used the towel to wipe gobs of it off of her arm.

You’re mean!  He repeated as he followed me into the hallway.

You’re mean! My heart sank.

About two months ago Big E started using the phrase You’re mean to me a lot, usually when I am correcting him or telling him something that his four year old brain doesn’t want to hear or process. If I take away a toy the kids are fighting over, he says it. If I ask him to go to the bathroom before getting in the car, he says it. If I tell him that we aren’t watching tv, he says it.

And every single time he gets in trouble. We’ve explained to him that what he is saying is wrong. He’s had numerous time outs. He’s apologized countless times. And yet at least three to four times a week he calls me mean. It’s hurtful and frustrating, but I also know he doesn’t really mean it. It’s his way of expressing his distaste for the circumstances he finds himself in. I am not condoning it, I’m just following his logic.

However tonight it was extra upsetting to me. Not because Big E said it again, but because it wasn’t Big E that said it at all. You’re mean was muttered from Baby E’s lips.

Baby E isn’t even two yet, and up until now his vocabulary has been steadily growing with words like Mommy, Daddy, Wawa (waffle), and LittyLittyLitty (kitty). To hear him say You’re Mean broke my heart. The months of hearing his brother say it had worn off on him. I distracted him to change the subject and then I took Big E aside and spoke with him.  I explained how Baby E had learned that phrase from him and that it was very hurtful, and not something that a baby should ever be saying to his mommy. As I explained I watched Big E’s countenance change as he began to realize that Baby E was copying him. He got genuinely sad that something he said would be repeated by Baby E and cause me to be sad. It’s too early to tell, but I am praying that it was finally the conversation that got through to him and he will start to think before blurting out that phrase at every perceived inconvenience.

Meanwhile we have the task ahead of us of removing that phrase from Baby E’s vocabulary. Unfortunately with so few words, he likes to use the ones he knows in steady rotation. So if you walk by Baby E and he shouts You’re mean please don’t take it personally!

After days of intense heat, the wind started picking up this evening. Perpetual night is coming soon. We sat on our stoop and ate pizza in the dark, the breeze tossing our hair and grabbing at our paper plates. It’s nearing the end of October and the bitter cold nights will be soon be upon us. I used to love winter, but that was years ago, back when it conjured up thoughts of snowy evenings and hot chocolate. Those idyllic scenes have long been replaced with treacherous commutes and stomach bugs.

However today, with its bright sun and warmth, begged us to linger outside a little longer when we got home. It was completely dark when we came inside.

Namma, Namma Baby E begged as I laid him down into bed. For the first time, he is starting to be specific about what he wants to read at night. Llama Llama Red Pajama. It was too late to read, but I compromised with him and let him keep it in his bed.

The big kids are camping on the floor again tonight. They showered me in machine gun kisses before I left the room, Big E begging for more light so the shadows wouldn’t scare him. Laundry is running. The cat is pacing the floor for her dinner.

Life is good.

In all of its crazy, hectic, exhausting moments… life is good. The Lord has blessed us beyond measure.

Can you put our pillows far apart so that we don’t play? C asked as I set up Big E’s makeshift bed.

The big kids are sleeping on the floor tonight. I’m not exactly sure why except that C and I were cuddling last night on the floor and she asked to stay there when I left. She spent the night there. Tonight she wanted to do it again. And naturally Big E can’t pass on a chance to do something his big sister is doing, so he’s on the floor now too.

What is it about kids and sleeping anywhere but in their beds?

When we were kids, the farmhouse we lived in had pretty good sized closets. The one outside my sister’s door was particularly fun to hide out in and there were a few times that we tried to spend the night in there. But it never really worked out because the floors were hard wood and we probably only lasted about 15 minutes before he headed for greener pastures.

Often during the start of summer, before the window units had been put into the upstairs windows, we would camp out on the living room floor. With a sheet hung across the entrance way and the window unit pumping out frigid air, it was the best room in the house for sleeping.

C was eating an apple this evening when she came to a pretty gross little section. It wasn’t big, probably the size of a fingernail, but the section was mushy and dark and for a brief moment I wondered if there was a worm in there. Thankfully I caught myself before saying that out loud because that would have been a sure fire way to guarantee my daughter would never eat apples again. Instead I grabbed a knife and cut out the offending (worm-free) section.

It got me thinking, though, that there is probably quite a list of things I’m not planning on telling my kids at this point. Trust me, life will be easier this way….

1- (As mentioned above) Some apples have worms. I’ve never actually found a worm in a store bought apple, but anything right off a tree and not drowned in pesticides is up for grabs. 

2- Corn on the cob sometimes has worms. I found this out as a small child when we would shuck corn straight from the garden. It was like Russian roulette, but with corncobs and slimy grubs. My children will have to learn this the hard way because for now I *need* them to *want* to shuck corn. 

3- Dogs scare me. I mean, really scare me. At least big dogs do. I really, really don’t want my fear of dogs to be my kids’ fear of dogs. So when I hear the jingle jingle of a dog collar behind me, I have to use all of my willpower to not book it in the opposite direction. ‘Sure, we’d love to pet your dog, kind stranger. Yay, it likes to jump on people. Yippee! Isn’t that dog fun, kids?!?’ 

4- Foods I don’t like. I don’t want my kids’ palette to be influenced by mine. I mean, I know it will be to some extent. For example I will never, ever feed my kids liver and onions (because that’s just gross,) however I do and will feed them things that I’m not particularly fond of, in hopes they won’t be terribly picky eaters. 

5- I’m scared to be home at night without Tim. If Tim works late, I need my kids to feel secure. If there are times that he works overnight, you better believe that I barricade the front door and never fully enter REM state, because I’m the one that has to make sure those kids are safe. But do my kids know that? No, they have no idea. 

6- I don’t particularly enjoy playing house. To their credit, they might have already figured this one out on their own, but I do try to play along when they ask. But I always have to be the  mom, and guess what, I’m the mom in real life so it doesn’t really feel like pretend for me. And even when I get to be the ‘kid’ I still get all the grown up jobs like cooking dinner and changing diapers. 

7- I don’t like hugging them when they are sick. Don’t get me wrong, I do love on them and cuddle them and give them plenty of attention when they are sick, but in the back of my mind I can’t stop thinking we’re all going down. 

I could probably think up more if I wasn’t so tired, so that’s my list for this evening. Are there things that you would add? 

Me- C, how’s school. Are there any kids there that don’t like you or give you a hard time?

C- No. No everyone is nice to me.

Me- Oh good.

C- Well, actually, I do have this problem… You see, whenever I am playing with Jenny* and *Molly comes over to talk to me she doesn’t want to talk to Jenny. I get sad that Jenny thinks that I don’t want to talk to her when Molly is talking to me.

I love that my girl notices when things aren’t fair. I love that she sees when people feel left out and that it bothers her. I love that she stands up for other people and makes friends with the kids that don’t have friends. It’s such a blessing to watch her grow into such a kind, caring, and compassionate person.

*names changed

We made it home this evening near 8pm and my body is begging me for one more day off, but sadly tomorrow is Monday. My legs are sore, no doubt from the hours of walking around yesterday.

This afternoon, before leaving, we took the kids on a walk on the trail near Naona’s house, and in the end I think we walked about two miles. Big E rode his bike and C rode her scooter.

A few years ago, when Big E was about two, we realized that C had taken several trips over to her grandparents’ house all by herself, but Big E had never done it. Thinking he would enjoy the one on one attention, we sent him over for a visit only to find out that even though he was having some fun, most of the time he just seemed lost and sad. That’s when I really realized how tight his connection with C was. He had never been that long without her and us. He kept walking around looking sad and he really didn’t know what to do with himself. Since that experience, I’ve never pushed for him to do it again, but a few weeks ago he mentioned that he wanted to give it a try. So I made arrangements for him to stay there when we next visited. I half expected him to back  out of it when it came time for us to leave, but while he seemed sad that we were leaving, he was determined to stay behind. He said he loved us and would miss us, but he couldn’t wait to spend time with Naona, GP, and Aunt Julie without us there. So that’s where he is now. And yes, I have already called multiple times to check on him. He is doing fine. But I really do miss him.

During the entire ride home, Baby E kept asking for him. About every ten minutes I would hear him pipe up from his seat and say, “Big E??” I’d remind him that he wasn’t with us but a few minutes later he would ask again. He even asked for him as we laid him down to sleep tonight. Poor guy is going to miss his big brother!

I’m so happy that we made the trip out to my parents’ house this weekend. I hate that they live so far away, but I am also very grateful that it isn’t further! My parents are amazingly generous and kind people and really do love spending time with them. It’s going to be a long wait until Thanksgiving.

The mystery tunnel on the trail. Going to have to explore that another time.

This girl loves to use her scooter.

This was the highlight of my day. Those kids did great on the trail and had so much fun.

He wanted to show me his helmet hair. 

Missing my handsome prince. Sleep well little man. 

Today we surprised the kids by taking them to the Leesburg Animal Park Pumpkin Village. On the car ride to the park they kept begging to know where they were going and were so happy when we pulled into the parking lot. We started with visiting all the animals. We saw lemurs, rabbits, porcupines, llamas, donkeys, and quite a few more animals. Baby E was positively obsessed with the llama and really liked the alpaca, until I sat him next to it! He pet a sheep and squealed in delight. He also tracked down a chicken and pet that too. The big kids liked the sheep and the porcupine. They pet a goat and an alpaca.

After the animals, it was time to enjoy the Pumpkin Village. The kids had a blast going from activity to activity. Big E especially liked the large swing, the zip line, and the pedal carts. C loved the hayride and the bouncy houses. Baby E loved the mini train ride. He rode twice and I had to remove him kicking and screaming so that other people could get on.

Like I said, Big E loved the pedal carts, and literally spent about 15 minutes riding them. He did a great job weaving in and out of the other carts and navigating the turns as quickly as he could.

They also did an obstacle course, more slides, a hay maze, and more. They played hard for over four hours, and Baby E kept up with the big kids the entire time. We had a picnic lunch, and on the way out we got some complimentary apple cider, an apple, and a small pumpkin. The kids had so much fun today and I know we spent the day building some amazing memories. I loved hearing all their laughter and seeing so many smiles!

I apologize now for the massive photo dump! Enjoy!