After a long day and a long drive, we made it to Naona and GP’s house.

During lunch today, I decided to look at some Halloween costumes online. Big E had mentioned that he wanted to be a firefighter, so I wanted to price them out. So, I did the perfectly reasonable thing of googling ‘child fireman costume,’ and as expected, I was taken to a store with multiple fireman outfits. I perused them, and then out of curiosity, I thought, If Big E is a fireman, maybe C would like to be a police officer. So I searched for police officer outfits.

And that’s when I found my soapbox.

Let me start with… there are some fine options if your boys want to be a police man. The outfits are a nice dark blue, and they come with some accessories, like handcuffs and a baton. The boys looking back at you appear polite and respectable.

But what if your daughter wants to be a police officer? What is her option?

A short skirt, knee high shiny boots, and sunglasses to replace the baton. Oh and don’t forget the sassy stare into the camera. That’s right, folks… your daughter doesn’t actually get to dress like a police officer, she gets to dress as a second-rate stripper version of a police officer. Instead of a baton to protect herself and others, she gets a pair of sunglasses and a come hither look in her eye.

Moving on, I noticed that under the category of “Occupation and Military” there are 26 costumes for boys. What about my daughter? She can choose from 12. TWELVE. And while the boys get to be Special Ops commanders or physicists, the girls can be equestrians and Hollywood actresses. Out of the 12, I would say that 5 were respectable.

Oh, but when my daughter finally becomes  a tween, surely her options will get better. No, they won’t. However, the skirts will get shorter. And when she enters adulthood, her choices will consist of skin tight clothing, with more skin than cloth.

I mean, look at the blatant difference between mens’ and women’ costumes!

We have to do better, people!!!

We have to stop dressing six year old girls like they walk the streets after bedtime. We need to stop feeding into the pedophile culture that says this is ok. We need to teach our girls that beauty is vanity and kindness is valuable. The culture isn’t going to do it for us. The women’s movement did many, many amazing things, but there was one lie it fed to women everywhere- that flaunting sexuality gave women power. Let’s be honest… it does the opposite. It feeds into abuse and domination. How does posing nude in a magazine or movie liberate you when it makes you a slave to every man that salivates over you? It says that no matter how smart you are, or how hard you try, your worth is still and always will be in your appearance.

I want more for my daughter.

I want her value to be reflected in the way she confronts the world, not flaunting her body in a desperate attempt to seek attention and acceptance, but rather conduct herself with dignity in the freedom of knowing that she has already been accepted and loved. And in that knowledge she can be free to pursue her interests and passions, regardless of what men see.

We have to do better!!

PS- I know you can find modest costumes for little girls, but I just wanted to point out that there is no such thing as an immodest costume for a little boy. 

I showed the kids a video of C as a baby this morning. In the video she was about six weeks old. I hear my voice on the recording, pleading with her to smile for me and for a brief moment she obliges, followed quickly by a soft cooing sound, but for the most part it is a video of C in her bouncy seat staring past the camera and right at me. Her eyes are big, her cheeks are chubby.

The kids wanted to watch it over and over again, and soon I stopped watching the video and I watched them. C was mesmerized, a genuinely happy smile spread across her face as she watched the baby version of herself. I saw in her eyes what a special moment it was- she was seeing a treasure.

Baby E kept repeating the word Baby, which means he thought the baby was himself. And Big E watched in fascination as his sister cooed. They couldn’t look away.

There are no videos of me as a baby. Video cameras were in their infancy, and it was rare for a family to have one. I think I was in late elementary school before I saw myself on video. When I was in high school, one of my best friends had one and a few of us would get together every weekend and shoot with it.

I remember when C was born, I videotaped almost everything about her. There’s a five minute video somewhere of her sleeping. Just sleeping. Nothing else. The longest, most boring five minutes of footage, but at that moment it was gold.

The thing about video, as it differs from pictures, is that I rarely go back to it. I scan through photos all the time, but I rarely sit down to watch videos. Strange isn’t it, since videos are my profession. Maybe that’s why I set them aside. There’s something about a photo that is so special to me. It captures a single moment in time… an expression… a look… an emotion. There is so much information in just that one moment. Video doesn’t do that. Video tells a story in a very literal way. Photos tell a story with your heart.

Don’t get me wrong, video is great for many things- capturing someone’s voice, their mannerisms, and their stories. And watching the looks on my children’s faces this morning, I am so grateful that I took the time to take those videos when she was just a baby. My only regret is that there are few of Big E and fewer still of Baby E, but what they lack in videos, I think they more than make up for in photos! 😉

What does it mean to be BBK?

Being BBK is a new phrase in our house.

Being Big. 

You see, we’ve been having some issues lately, nothing horrible, but mostly just annoying. The older kids have been using the phrase I can’t for things that they clearly can! As in I can’t turn on that light or I can’t put on my own clothes. We have discussed the difference between can’t and don’t want to but they insist that just about everything is can’t. This irritates me because I am not asking them to do things that aren’t age appropriate, and I refuse to give in because I am raising future adults that should be able to dress themselves and turn on their own lights!!

Being Brave.

This one doesn’t bother me quite as much as the one above because I totally understand that kids get scared. Dark hallways and empty rooms can be very daunting for them. However when it is the middle of a sunny afternoon, I want my children to feel brave enough to run upstairs alone and grab something without worrying that they are going to freak out.

Be Kind. 

This one is definitely the most important one and definitely the one we have to work on the most, especially in regards to how they treat each other. Big E has a habit of running up to Baby E and screams in his face. Baby E likes to whack people in the head with just about anything. C likes to instigate because she knows exactly how to upset her brothers. Half the time I feel more like a referee than a mom sometimes. (Maybe there isn’t much of a difference.)

Anyways, a few days ago I got so annoyed with them that I pulled them aside and stressed how important it was for us to be BBK. Big, Brave, and Kind. It’s an easy little saying for them to remember and when they act in a way that isn’t BBK and I call them out on it they adjust their behavior very quickly. I know the novelty of this will wear off sooner than I would like, but for now it seems to be working, so I am wholeheartedly embracing it!

SPORTS FAMILY

Out of the blue the other day C pipes up and says, “Mommy! Do you know who my favorite sports team is??”

I was curious about this question because I really had no idea. I did not grow up in a family that watched sports. Occasionally we would watch a Super Bowl. But the extent of our sports watching really boiled down to Olympic Gymnastics and Figure Skating. I never played sports growing up (except for that brief stint with fencing in my late teens) and I have only attended two baseball games in my life. I didn’t go to public high school, so I wasn’t exposed to high school sports, and the college I went to only had one Division 1 sports team (fencing). I didn’t marry a man that was into sports and none of my really close friends are into them either. So my sports knowledge is pretty close to nonexistent.

But I decided to humor her… “What’s your favorite sports team?”

She answered, “The Redskins.”

“Really? What sport do the Redskins play?”

“Basketball,” she answered. (a kid after my own heart.)

“No honey. The Redskins don’t play basketball. They play baseball…(pause)… Oh wait. No! Redskins play football. Definitely football!!”

Sheesh! Definitely not a sports family!

 

This little fellow was a challenge last night. I heard him crying around 12 am and when I went in he was positively inconsolable. He didn’t want me to touch him. He didn’t want his paci or a bottle. He didn’t want me to leave. He didn’t want me to look at him. He didn’t want me to be anywhere near. But he didn’t want me far away either.

Amid angry protests, I brought him downstairs- snot and tears streaming down his face. I offered him almond milk, cereal, waffles. Nothing seemed to work. I finally offered him a cookie, which he reluctantly accepted after about three tries.

Finally the wailing stopped and he began to calm down. He begged to watch tv, and since we was holding a cookie in one hand and was covered in slime and sadness, I relented. We watched a good hour of Doc McStuffins. Again, he didn’t want me to touch him, but he didn’t want me to leave him either. I changed his diaper. I got him out of his warm pjs.

After the hour I decided to put him back to bed. Again, he got hysterical but I was firm that he wasn’t getting out of bed. I sang to him for awhile and after about a half hour, I told him it was definitely time for bed. He cried as I left the room, and it was heartbreaking to hear him wailing as I crawled back into bed, but within 5 minutes it was quiet and he was asleep.

I’m praying that whatever was giving him problems last night won’t do so again this evening! Sleep tight little one!

There she is, my gorgeous girl. I’ve been waiting for weeks for her school pics to show up, so I was thrilled when they arrived this week. I can’t believe how old she looks in this picture! Gah! It’s all happening way too fast!

I decided to dig through my old photos this evening and I found my first grade picture as well. When I put them side by side, I noticed some interesting things…

1- I rocked that bowl cut in 1986. I’m pretty sure I had this exact haircut until fifth grade (also known as the year of the unfortunate perm.)

2- While bows were all the rage in the 80’s, cutesy flowers have definitely been the trend of the millennium.

3- Also the rule of thirds has strongly embedded itself in our culture… there’s no way that flower would ever have made it to the center of her dress.

4- Sailor collars weren’t just for boating in the 80’s. They were every day style. Pair it with some gingham and you were golden.

5- In the 80’s we never looked at the camera during school pictures. We much preferred gazing out into the future with an extra sparkle in our eyes.

6- Multiple backdrop options? That craze started in 1988. I remember because I went for one with a fence. No, back in ’86 you had one option… and you liked it. (BTW- I think they shoot the kids in front of a green screen now a days, because you can go online and order just about any background you want. For an exorbitant price, of course.)

7- Film was king in the 80’s. (And really every decade before 2000.) You got one shot at a good picture, and you prayed you weren’t the kid that blinked, or sneezed, or had a fly land on their nose. Today’s world is digital (so there is really no excuse for the fact that my daughter is mid-smile in this picture) but that aside, it opens up so many options for the final product. Seriously, check out the website… (mylifetouch.com) or don’t because it is a seriously ridiculous and clunky website. Better yet, go this website because you can never go wrong with bubblewrap. Try the manic mode. You won’t regret it. (Also a favorite toy from the 80’s)

So there you have it… A lot has changed in thirty years- from haircuts, to backdrops, to collars. Today’ s kids seriously don’t know what they are missing!  

PS- They enclosed this cute little teaser that wasn’t much larger than a postage stamp, and I went to the website to find it and got so spun around, I gave up and had a friend scan it for me. (Seriously horrible website.) 

He wants to be a fireman for Halloween. Last week it was Spiderman. Next week it might be too, but for today, he wants to be a fireman.

You want to know what one of the amazing things about Big E is? When he is at a loss for words… when he wants to fill a silence… when he loses track of this thoughts, he will say, “Mommy, I love you.” It’s spontaneous, unrehearsed, and absolutely genuine. That’s what you get with Big E.

Sure, there are things about him that drive me crazy, like the way he doesn’t look forward when he rides on his bike or the way he will sneak out of his room at night with made up excuses to avoid bedtime, but seriously, this kid is sweet.

I put Baby E’s new (to him) bear pajamas on this evening. They are 18 month clothes, which are normally way too big, but he totally rocked them with his oversized head and protruding belly. Actually they were a little snug, but he insisted on keeping them on tonight.

I’ll admit that this week has been rough, and pretty lonely. Tim has been working long hours and I miss having him around. The kids miss him terribly. They’ve been acting out more than normal, and when I discipline them they beg for Daddy. I’m truly looking forward to a weekend together without any commitments beyond being a family. I think my perfect weekend would be popcorn, movies, and zero responsibility!

Today was one of those days…

Well, to be honest, I don’t usually have days like today. Most of my days are pretty mundane.

I rarely blog about work. Rarely. Close to never.

Well today, we looked out our windows to see police cars swarming around our building. There were at least a half dozen parked out front. There were more on the side street. There were some parked a few hundred yards away. Flashing vehicles drove up and down the street. I lost count. Multiple agencies. A helicopter. The police started putting on bullet proof vests. Some were carrying rifles. Several were making their way to the building behind mine.

Apparently a man was seen carrying a long rifle or AR15, so a strong police presence was sent in.

After a little while we got the clear that the man in question was an off duty member of the military and the situation was being handled.

Thankfully it ended well.

I don’t go to work everyday wondering about an active shooter situation, but every once in awhile it crosses my mind. Columbine. Virginia Tech. The Navy Yard. With those in mind, I was thrilled to see the strength of the response today.

I got home to my babies, looking forward to a nice quiet evening in, and completely not anticipating the meltdowns that awaited me, so dinner and bedtime were pretty rough. But everyone came around eventually, and we enjoyed some nice cuddles before sleep.

I remember last year C’s school did Bad Guy Drills. She told me all about them and how the teacher had them hide. It made me so sad as she rattled off the scenario.

Bad Guy Drills. 

I hate that my kids have Bad Guy Drills. I hate that they are necessary. But I am so thankful they are in place.

I’m thankful for the men and women that put their lives on the line every day to keep us safe. I am thankful for those that strap on bullet proof vests and carry guns each day so that we don’t have to. I’m so thankful for the people that run towards trouble when most people run away.

Thank you and God Bless.

My prayers are for Florida tonight as Hurricane Matthew bears down on them. May God protect those still there and bring them safely through the night.

*update* It was a rubber rifle used for training.