We walked into the pediatrician’s office at just after 5pm. Their walk in hours start at 5 and there were already 10 families in the waiting room and who knows how many already back in exam rooms. My heart sank, but I signed us up anyway and asked how long the wait would be. At least an hour. I sighed and turned around to find us seats. I got the kids settled, filled out the paperwork and turned it in. I sat down next to C and surveyed our surroundings. The office was warm, made warmer by the number of people sitting there. Most were young children with either bright rosy cheeks or very pale complexions. All of them looked as miserable as my kids and all of them sweating and uncomfortable. I stared at my own kids, thinking about the germs they might pick up in an hour of waiting in a hot, stuffy room with other sick children and I stood up. Yes, I want them to be seen, but I can’t expose them to more sickness. We left.

I hoped the Urgent Care downstairs would be faster, and I was optimistic as I opened the door, only seeing four people in the waiting room, but their wait was 2+ hours. No, that didn’t seem worth it either. So we left.

By then the ibuprofen must have kicked in because they were pleading for some food and begging for Burger King. It was out of the way, but it’s the first time Big E had really wanted food, so we made the special trip. They gobbled it all down.

When C woke up this morning she wasn’t in the least bit feverish. She felt great, so I sent her to school. Apparently half way through the day she didn’t feel well, but was too shy to tell her teacher so she suffered it out and was running a high temp by the time she got home. I wish she had mentioned something. Big E’s fever was running 103.6 so I thought if I took them down they could both be looked at. Maybe tomorrow if they are still feeling low.

Today was not too bad. I disinfected their room and bathroom and this evening I plan to work on the kitchen. I regret not being at work, and I’m bummed to be using my vacation days like this, but I am also grateful to get some extra time with my kids. Tomorrow they will both be home. Baby E is with his grandparents and will stay there until all of this passes. I miss him already. The temperature was beautiful today and most of the day was spent with the windows open. I’m hoping the fresh air will help me combat all these germs.

Thank you for the prayers and words of encouragement. Today I feel a little bit more refreshed. I’m sure we have a few more days of this, but then Lord willing, it will be over for the season. I’m excited about warm days and long evenings and I can’t wait to get us all outside again.

I stared in disbelief at the thermometer this morning.

102.6

No, this isn’t happening. It can’t be happening.

But there it was, plain as day, staring me in the face.

102.6

Big E woke up with a fever. Big E woke up with the flu. He started complaining about the same symptoms C complained about early last week. So there we have it, he has the flu. The strange thing is, that the temp spiked high this evening and I called the on call pediatrician and she said it was very, very, very rare for you to get Flu A twice in one season. She suspects it’s flu b. But wait. C had flu A. Are you telling me that Big E has flu B? A completely different flu?!!? Are you saying that there is a new flu running through my house that none of my other kids have gotten yet?!? Dear woman, I pray you are wrong!

Either way, there is no denying that Big E is down for the count. Out of an abundance of caution I am shipping Baby E out to the grandparents in hopes that he avoids this round. I can’t handle him having more seizures. I just cant.

So, if I might trespass on your kindness once more, my family could yet again use some prayer. Pray that Big E sleeps well tonight and recovers quickly. Pray that C (who said she was feeling a little unwell this evening) would wake up healthy in the morning. Pray that Baby E doesn’t come down with any of it. And that Tim and I can stay healthy as well. I’ll admit that I am deep in the trenches of self-pity right now. Tim and I are tired. We are exhausted. We need a break. We really, really do.

After what seems like an exceedingly long, dark winter the brighter days and warmer temps are starting to settle in. C woke up this morning with little inclination to walk, but was keen to attend her cousin’s birthday party. I secretly hoped that exposing her to her cousins and the playground would be the motivation she might need to push past the pain in her legs. When we got to the park I insisted that she ride in the stroller until we got to the picnic area. As we were heading that way she told me she was embarrassed to be in the stroller and begged me to get out. I permitted her to and she jumped up and started running tip toe to her cousins. Within a half an hour she came excitedly up to me to show me that she was able to put her heels to the ground and from there she started running around like normal!! The kids ran and played for hours.

This afternoon after her nap she once again complained that her legs hurt, but we took a walk to the stinky bridge and by the time we got there she was feeling much better. So it would appear that the worst of it is over. I’m so grateful for that!

The kids enjoyed their outings today and were quite ready for bed this evening!

Tim woke me up from my champagne induced slumber last night to let me know that he was home and that C had been complaining about her legs hurting. We had decided early yesterday morning that we would keep her home from school one more day just to be sure we weren’t sending the flu into her class. I had deadlines at work, so Tim said he could take her with him. Apparently halfway through the day her legs started to get sore, and by the time they got home in the evening Tim had to carry her in.

This morning when she woke up she couldn’t even stand. Every time we tried to touch her legs near her calf muscles she complained that it hurt really bad. We had to carry her everywhere. It became apparent pretty quickly that we were not going to be able to send her to school in that condition. She couldn’t even bear weight on her legs. Her joints all seemed fine. Her feet didn’t hurt. It was just her calf muscles.

I had to wait for the pediatrician’s office to open, so I decided to do the one thing you should never do when you are dealing with an illness… I googled it.

Once I got past all the horrible things like cancer and certain and inevitable death, I was able to find an article about children that complained about calf muscle pain 2-3 days after having a high fever brought on by influenza. The studies I read about said it was a rare, but pretty harmless situation and might take up to a week to resolve itself.

All of the symptoms matched what C was experiencing, but I went ahead and called the pediatrician. By that point she had started to be able to walk on her tiptoes, but was absolutely unable to put her heels to the ground. Since she was having such difficulty, the doctor said that he wanted to see her and we made an appointment this afternoon. So I ended up staying home from work so that I could take her in.

Throughout the day she didn’t really seem to improve. When I took her to the doctor I had to put her in a stroller because she couldn’t walk that far and I couldn’t carry her. The doctor did an exam and came to the same conclusion that I had, that this mystery illness was brought on by the flu. He had initially been concerned about possible blood clots, but was able to quickly rule those out. He said there wasn’t much we could do but give her some warm baths and ibuprofen and wait for her body to heal. If she isn’t walking normally by Monday, I am supposed to give them a call.

This evening I gave her a bath and she said the warm water definitely helped a great deal, but once she was out of the bath the pain was back and she seemed no better. So I’m praying that my dear sweet girl can start walking again soon. She’s going to a birthday party at the park in the morning and is already disappointed she won’t be able to run around with the other kids. She did, however, ask to go to bed early so that she would be well rested for the party. I feel sorry for my sweet girl. She missed an entire week of school and needs to get back as soon as possible.

There’s a scene in one of my favorite Christmas movies, Little Women, (before you argue and take sides with Tim, yes, it’s a Christmas movie) where the main character Jo is offered a glass of alcohol. The man handing her the cup asks her if she drinks, and she answers, “Only medicinally,” to which he responds along the lines of “Then pretend you have a cold.”

If you’ve hung around this blog for awhile, you will know that I don’t really drink alcohol all that much. Not because I am against drinking in moderation, but because the main effect it has on me is to put me quickly to sleep. Therefore I usually only drink when I am sick and having problems sleeping, hence my medicinal reference.

Tim keeps a few bottles of wine around, but he drinks only slightly more often than I do. There’s a guy at work that sometimes gives me bottles of champagne when I finish an edit for him, and they usually sit around until I get sick.

As you recall, my spring break was a bust… as in while most people were enjoying quiet time and being productive, I was cleaning up a sick kid who threw up in her medical mask in the middle of the night. (It was as disgusting as it sounds, btw.) And apparently between all the sicknesses that have paraded through our house, and working full-time, and being a mom, and being a wife, and being everything else I have piled on top of myself… somewhere between doctor visits, physical therapy appointments, and laundry… I forgot to pay my water bill.

Not only did I forget to pay my water bill, somehow I missed any and/or all notices threatening to shut off our water. So imagine my delight when I went to rinse off some portobello mushrooms I had been saving for my dinner only to find out I had no water. None. Zilch. Nada.

After a much needed meltdown, I got online, paid the bill, called to have the water turned back on, and found out I have to wait until the morning to talk to someone. I pulled myself together and figured out how to wind down the evening. I made Big E pee off the deck so that he wouldn’t try flushing any toilets (I know, crazy mom… it’s 35 degrees outside and he was not amused.) I got the boys to bed, rather quickly on account of there being no water for teeth brushing, and came downstairs to survey my situation. I have two gallons of water to ration until the morning. Tim’s going to bring another two gallons of water home so hopefully I’ll be able to wash my hair in the morning.

The thing is, nearly everything I do after the kids go to bed involves water… Washing my dishes… doing laundry… taking a bath. I called a friend and she gave me some lovely advice. Just sit. Forget about the things I should be doing because I can’t be doing them. Just sit.

So folks, that’s what I’m doing. I’m pretending I have a cold. I’ve opened my $60 bottle of champagne and I am sitting in the dark, tapping away at this keyboard. In the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal. In fact, it might just be a blessing in disguise. No striving tonight. No trying to beat a clock. No rushing. Just silence.

Blessed silence.

Chances are if you see me in the morning, my hair will look a mess and my children unkempt, but I’ll be more rested than I have been in months! Goodnight sweet friends…

Baby E has been amusing himself lately by putting on his older brother’s shirts. Some of them hang like dresses on him, but he doesn’t seem to mind and prefers to spend the day in them. This morning I put him in a shirt that Big E recently grew out of but was always one of his favorites. It has a large monster truck on it. Since Baby E loves trucks of all kinds I thought he might enjoy wearing it. I slipped it over his head and pointed to his shirt. “Do you see that?!? It’s a monster truck on your shirt!”

“Monster?” Baby E said in horror. “Eat me????” He stared at the shirt with a definite look of distrust, but I was able to convince him after a moment that there was no monster lurking on his shirt and that he was going to be just fine. Poor kid!

C woke up this morning with her fever gone, so I am glad to see that she is definitely on the mend. We had yet another lazy day. Tomorrow we hit the ground running with our lives again. I’m sorry about my spring break, but I did enjoy having my kids around for the last few days. I am going to miss being home. At least it’s a short week! Bring on the weekend!

I admit that I imagined my spring break to look much different than it does. No, I wasn’t expecting white sands and palm trees, but rather a few quiet days with a good book, and perhaps some much needed spring cleaning. It did not involve personalized vomit buckets, binge watching Beat Bugs, or medical masks, but such is life. Our best laid plans are often laid to waste, are they not?

It’s not all bad, really. I’ve gotten some cooking and cleaning done. I’ve received some wonderful cuddles from some precious kids. And I myself was able to binge watch the second season of Poldark, so it could be worse. A kind friend dropped off some coffee this afternoon in the midst of my confinement, so I do not feel neglected.

C still has a fever, but hasn’t thrown up since late last night, so hopefully tomorrow will bring some much needed respite. My final day of spring break will probably resemble my last two, but that’s alright. The positive is that I haven’t had to take leave time yet for this round of sickness, so there’s that I guess!

We are still praying the others don’t get it, (hence the binge watching television… it’s the only way I am sure to keep the kids separated.) And I pray Charlotte starts bouncing back. She is eating and drinking pretty well, but is still complaining of a tummy ache and headache. Thanks for the prayer and well wishes!

C was sitting on my lap in church yesterday morning when she started to feel warm. I decided to take her home early and when we got home she was running a fever. That seemed to be her main complaint other than a passing headache. I kept her home in the evening, but her fever had seemed to break. This morning she seemed fine, but as the day trudged on it started rising again, and by this afternoon she seemed to be heading downhill.

I took her to the walk in hours at the pediatrician (at this point we should have a parking spot with our name on it) and we learned that she has the flu. Yup… the flu. It’s flu A which is what the boys had earlier in the year, though there is no way to know if it is the same strain. The doctor said it is possible they might get it again. I sure hope not because as I went on the second great Tamiflu hunt of 2017 (it’s pretty much sold out everywhere…) I finally found it at a small, out of the way pharmacy and when I went to purchase it, my insurance declined to cover the two bottles. I could only buy one. Apparently we have maxed out our Tamiflu resources until June, so if we need any more it’s going to cost more than $380/ prescription. When I asked the pharmacist what I should do she gave me a sympathetic smile and said, “Pray the other ones don’t get it.”

So that’s my plan, friends. I’m praying like crazy the others don’t get it, especially poor Baby E. We could sure use a break at our house!

C’s incredibly disappointed in the flavor of the Tamiflu, but she took it this evening and now all the kids are tucked in bed. I’m praying for an uneventful night and peaceful sleep all around. Thank you for your prayers!

God is good, all the time!

The very first picture I have of Big E is rather gross. Since C was an emergency c-section (really emergency) we didn’t get the chance to take photos of her immediate birth, but with Big E we were slightly more prepared. We had hoped not to end up with another c-section, but it happened, and while we were disappointed, we were also relieved to meet him as soon as possible. They asked me if I wanted to watch the operation and I declined, but I did ask Tim to take some pictures so I could see what happened when I was ready to. This evening I found those pictures. The first photo of my sweet boy, he isn’t even completely out of my body yet. Multiple hands are crowding around as they are pulling him from the incision they made to remove him. His body is white and covered in splotches of blood. There is a hand propping up his head and another grabbing him by the shoulders. There’s a dark shadow over his face, but I can see that his eyes were closed and his mouth was open as if already crying.

The next photo has him placed on my legs, umbilical cord in full sight, my stomach gaping open. The cord looks to be wrapped around his ankle and the doctor appears to be guiding it around, while another set of hands gently holds him in place.

A few pictures later, and the doctor is holding him up to the camera. He looks slimy and his face is contorted in a scream, but in all honesty he looks perfect.

Childbirth is an incredibly messy, vulnerable, and somewhat terrifying experience, but with the most incredible and overwhelming results.

Growing up I always wanted to be a mom, but only in a way that I thought I should want to be a mom, as if that would be fulfilling some sort of checklist of things I should do as an adult. I had no idea the deep love that would be awoken the first time my own child was put into my arms. And as we have welcomed each child into our home, my capacity to love has only grown larger.

And Big E got the benefit of a mother no longer scared of motherhood. Nearly two years of experience had prepared me for him and nearly seven years have further taught me there is no greater journey than motherhood.

So happy birthday, dear sweet Big E! May you always be so kind and compassionate and may your generous heart be a blessing to all you meet. I love you. Your daddy loves you. And your heavenly Father above loves you as well. You are important. You are special. You are loved.

At 6:52 pm tomorrow my dear sweet boy will turn five. Five years I have had the honor and privilege of being his mother. His kind and gentle heart never ceases to amaze me and I am as proud as a mother can possibly be. He is my handsome pants and the one I can rely on to put a smile on my face. He is genuine, sweet, and incredibly kind.

For his fifth birthday we decided to get him a bicycle. Big E had been riding a pink three wheeler for way longer than necessary, but he thought it was an awesome little bike that was the fastest mode of transportation possible. He was so proud of it. But as he got way too big for it, he graduated to another small bike that a friend of us had given. I noticed a few months ago that he seemed to be outgrowing it.

Yesterday I went on a great bicycle hunt and came across the one that I knew he would absolutely love…

Big E is a huge Spiderman fan and I knew this would be a hit. I even topped it off with a Spiderman bike helmet. This evening we had the neighbor cousins over for cake and presents and when it was time to give him the bike he opened the front door and saw it sitting on the sidewalk. I absolutely loved his response. He was so genuinely happy and excited. It didn’t take long to get the new helmet on and Big E was zipping around the parking lot with a huge smile on his face!

A completely perfect evening!